(Foreward: This is my attempt in a few weeks to actually spend time with God and I have to admit a bit slow but gotta attempt the try… so I just started with talking to him.)

God there isn’t any particular hardships I’m going through. Everything is just the same.

Mom’s still has her wave lengths of conflicts.
My brother seems fine but I’m cautious.
Career is a constant question.
I know you are guiding my voyage.
I cleaned out my “friend’s list”.
I feel anew but still me.

But I guess what better time to pray for your glory to move and to change…?…

(do I want change from this? have I become immune to this mediocre life?)
I just go desperate.

God. First and foremost, thank you for this day. For filling it with air and laughter, for providing once more with food and love for friends and family. I guess I forget everyday what it means to have something… anything. Secondly, I pray for hmmm… my family I guess. To get better and I guess for me to stop guessing haha. I think I kept becoming disappointed in high hopes that now it’s down to a simmer; like a low flame that on just to keep it warm but never to boil because then the water would run out to fast and would have to refill with more and then wait a longer time to start boiling again. I guess this long metaphor just comes down to my exhaustion with being on fire with you. I feel you God, your presence but they’re not flames that touch the sky but a low heat. Does it mean I’m in “ready position”, conserving energy for when you call, or just lazy and tired and doubtful? I am tired but not doubtful so maybe conserving energy? LOL I don’t know, only you know. Whatever this is, protect my wandering heart. In Jesus name. Amen