spiritual

Day 3.

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

“They were not looking for what they wanted, or what was safe, but they were seeking the truth—and they found Him.” Aug 24, 2016 AMi QT Joanna Tzen.

God, right now, it’s all good because I don’t have any wants right now from this earth and frankly I don’t want safety because then what’s living? I am seeking truth, purpose and I found You. But what if when life is going well I start to want more and seek other things than you? Can I be humble in good circumstances to still glorify you? I pray for my heart and spirit, please, protect me. Lead me to your truths and I pray for this time, Lord thank you for loving me so much. In Jesus name. Amen

Joel 2:12-17 | Matthew 6:16-21. Your Heart

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(Following Devotions for Lent from Holy Bible: Mosaic from the YouVersion Bible app)

Joel 2:13
and rend your hearts and not your garments.”

Matthew 6:24
“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

The beginning of Joel, it’s revealed to me that our God is not just all Love, Peace, and gentleness; he is an “Awesome” God as in not our day to day lingo of awesome but the actual definition (extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear.) So great in power it can be considered fearful and yet God calls us in the midst of that to come to him, to change our hearts and not our garments. To not just look like we belong to him but for our heart and core to call to him. I just thought that verse was really powerful. We try to hard to look christian sometimes that we forget to check our hearts and see if what we have on the outside reflects our insides.

Second, in Matthew, God talks about fasting, giving, praying “in secret” and it’s all about doing it for yourself and not for others. Not only does it relate back to Joel 2:13 on doing it not to look like your christian on the outside but to do it in secret so that the and I think I realized why my Christian life was so hard. I was splitting my two worlds, Christian girl and Fashion girl, hence my two instagrams, two twitter accounts but ultimately I found peace when I got rid of one and decided that the fashion girl is supported with believing in Christ.

Father God thank you for allowing me to come to realize that you are a part of everything and that you make all things possible in my life. Thank you for bringing me peace, making me one in the same and allowing my heart to find peace. Lord I pray that I will not forget you are an awesome and mighty God that desires our hearts and that we’d hold our faith sacred so that we may not get lost in boasting but to do you will from a genuine source of love for you and not for our own glory. I love you God, In Jesus name, Amen.

Lamentation 5 – God Forsake His People?

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Jeremiah speaks of the state of God’s people how everything basically sucks and at the end writes,
v.19 – 22 You, Lord, reign forever;
your throne endures from generation to generation.
Why do you always forget us?
Why do you forsake us so long?
Restore us to yourself, Lord, that we may return;
renew our days as of old
unless you have utterly rejected us
and are angry with us beyond measure.
I remember Paster Ulysses speaking in apprenticeship training how our God is the same God throughout the bible and that he isn’t an angry God in the Old Testament and a loving, baby lamb holding God in the New Testament. So when I come to read things like “Why do you forsake us?” I would initially think, did Old Testament God forsake his people? But further thinking upon it, I think it’s natural for Jeremiah to think that God has forsaken them. That he left them in the rut to just rot away and have everything suck. Just as we think God has left us when times are rough.
When I think back to my first encounters with God, when I first came back to church in about two and half years ago, I remember being filled with bitterness and confusion. Why is my family going through this hard time? Why isn’t he fixing anything and why is he ‘letting’ this happen? Whenever I felt such bitterness, my family group leader (Jon Gong) would always say, “Doris, God is good.” Tears would run down my face because I wanted to except that fact so badly but the circumstances didn’t allow my heart to fully realize it.
God has never left my side and God’s timing is beyond our measure. So even now when I pray constantly for God to shed his light on my mom and see no change, I think to myself God, please HEAR my prayer because it feels like nothings happening. I come back to remind myself that God is working and it’s just a matter of MY faith and patience in Him.
Father God, you have been with me through everything, and I know you will always be with me through everything. So God, I pray, keep me strong, when waters get deep and my faith is tested, Lord let me be so strong in that you have faith in me. I think my faith is being tested everyday living in a household of non-believers but God, you are greater than my problems here in this temporary home. God you are able and you love is overly abundant so thank you so much for bringing me this far. Thank you for revealing your truths, pouring your grace and mercy, for carrying my burdens, and for lightening the weight on my heart by filling it with your spirit. God I pray for your strength to reside in me whenever my knees feel weak. Help me to be bold and so unafraid of this world. I love you, In Jesus name. Amen.

Sin “Cavity”

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I’m sure many has had this image before or heard of the metaphor to ‘rid of the cavity’. But I’ll just share.
So this past week, not exactly sure when, (past Sunday?) I had this vision of a tooth and it was centered with a deep cavity and this cavity was our sin. But God came and made it new, cleaned out the cavity and it was now a clean hole in the tooth but instead of filling it with Filling, worldly possessions (“trash”) was filling up the hole.
It had me questioning my heart, “am I currently doing this? Filling this space that God cleaned out with my things?”

Father, I pray that I would have a heart so willing for you to fill me with your Love, Glory, and Purity. I know that if I fill it with my own things, I will feel pain again so God help me not to be tempted and let me focus on your spirit and love. In Jesus name, Amen.

Galatians 5 – Freedom in Christ

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Wow, has this chapter just hit all the points for me.

v1. For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
v16. But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. v17. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.

I’m greatly attracted to all things “Freedom”, and  I thought being Christian was following rules that didn’t allow you to rebel and do what you felt like doing. But this past year I realized that through Christ, true freedom was offered; freedom from fears and even death and it was the greatest feeling of all.
Being back in New Jersey, I’m experiencing a lot of “freedom”. I’m doing what I want, seeing friends whenever, doing what I’d like whenever I’d like, and breathing in a relaxed day by day life under the roof of my parents. After a while, life doesn’t seem so bad, without Christ, but verse 1 reminds me again that this pattern and thoughts of “freedom” are all what the world calls freedom. I’m surrounded by so much relaxation that I don’t feel the stress of the world, that there is no need for a greater power. I always come back to the question, “Why am I Christian?” Then following, “why are you trying to hard to read and love and keep this relationship with Him? Why don’t you just do what you want and go back to being Christian later?” And I sometimes chuckle at how silly that question sounds.
I know that on my own, yea, maybe I’ll be able to do what I want, say what I want, think and feel what I want and just live life to bring myself high and try to leave something of worth on this earth for generations to see me as one of the Greats next to Presley, Hepburn, or Picasso. But I know with God, I’m living for a greater purpose, God’s Kingdom and my name in His kingdom. I’m living free from what the world tells me how I should act like or look like but as a perfect, worthy child of God. I know that I’ll fail time and time again and the world that surrounds me will fail me but I’ll have someone who will never fail with his Love, Grace, and Promise. And I think of how much Greater He is, chuckle, and shake my head at myself for thinking of being a slave to the world once more.

Father God, How precious is your love for me. How loved are we for you to keep loving us even though we seem to fail you just because you know you can use us to do great things in your name for your name. God let me not be tempted to this world, let me not listen the voices but listen to your most reassuring voice that speaks to me with such kindness. God I ask once again for you to check my heart and send a shaking to get rid of anything that distracts me from your Kingdom. God, your breath is the ultimate freedom, in your light we’re able to do wonders so Lord I pray, let me be attracted to your heart. I want to know you more, I want to seek you everyday and be more aware of your presence. Remind me time and time again that you provide the best for me, so help me take up my cross to follow you. In Jesus name, Amen.

This world has nothing for me, I will follow you ~
// Your love has ravished my heart, so pull me a little closer~

Spiritual Status

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

To be honest, living back in New Jersey is hard on my spiritual life because I experienced God’s presence, love, and intimacy in my apartment and being back where my laundry is done, dinner is served, life became a little less heavier. I find myself trying to ignore God, his presence in general and although I know it hurts him to see me turn a blind eye, I end up turning another blind eye to that as well.

But with that said, I’m excited to see how God will sovereign in my NJ home. To my eyes my family seems to be doing okay compared to the years previous but I feel an underlying miscommunication of our love for one another and I hope that while I wrestle with my relationship with God once more, He will open up new doors and tender our hearts for one another.

God. Father. I miss praying to you. I miss the intimate moments we’ve had but why do I feel so distracted? Why do I feel like it’s okay for me to enjoy my worldly surroundings. Father, I pray that not only to be reminded of you but for my heart to quench for you once more. For my heart to seek out your Words and wisdom; everything of who you are. Lord I pray that you would invade this space which will soon be my home once more and make it yours. To have it filled with Your love, Your strength, Your compassion, Your guidance for my family, for my choices and actions. Father fill my room with your Holy Spirit and help me to kindle the fire you provide. Father God I pray for energy to wake up and do your works for your kingdom everyday. Good Shepherd of my soul, take my hand and lead me on. For I am yours and you are mine. Amen.