spirit

Father’s Heart.

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

I felt like I felt a bit of “Father’s Love” today. (*understatement after writing all this. then again how much of an understatement that other statement when Father’s Love is imcomprendably big… *poof mind blown*)

Our God is a God who loves, who asks for nothing in return other than our love for him, our faith in him and even with that we fail.

Today my dad and I talked finances and let me just say, I’ve been “privileged”. And I’m not sure if I can say blessed yet because my family isn’t christian and we don’t thank God for provision or pray before we eat… things like that. Anyway, I grew up getting most things what I want and in a very asian culture, family is family for life kinda way. My dad sent me through college and I won’t say the exact amount but let just say it was in NYC so that usually should sum the general amount. And it was agreed before I started college that I’d pay off half and even that is a BIG thank you. But today I talked with my dad about life and money and how much I had really spent with living expenses and I spoke to him about paying him back… and all he said to me was that he doesn’t expect me to pay him back. I’ve talked to him about this before and he said things like, “you’re my daughter, of course” or “it’s because I love you” but it never really had strike me until today; the relation of a Father’s heart.

Immediately a motivation to work hard and pay him off by surprise passed me knowing that the amount that was agreed to be paid off wouldn’t even make up for the life my dad’s given me throughout my 23 years. His hard work, sweat, and working everyday, even Sundays and holidays to give a life for his family… he ONLY TOOK NEW YEARS DAY OFF!… all to give his family a living…

In the same way, God doesn’t ask for anything in return. I don’t even think he asks for us to love him… (okay I’m sure he does somewhere in the bible) but he doesn’t really push it in our faces like, “why don’t you love me?! I did this this this this… ” and only when we need him to say it to remind us but only for our hearts and for us to know what he’d done for us. -sigh- He’s just loving us. Period. without expecting anything in return. That love, is so.. so.. soooo precious. I’ve fallen countless numbers of times, even when I was unaware of his blessings, I’ve just been taking good things … like I deserved them, like that gold sticker we get for sitting down to eat and listening well to the teachers… behaving! LOL MILLENNIALS.

God, first off.. just Thank you. on behalf of my family if thats possible for providing. For the store and the food in the refrigerator, THE REFRIGERATOR. I don’t think me, my sister, my brother, my parents stop enough to take a moment to think that although we are not well off, we are well off. “Everyday is thanksgiving.” I re-get that today. Thank you for my family, for the love that’s poured into it already beyond the brokenness… I don’t know what to say but I know what to do and it’s to just glorify your name in it all. And ya, people who don’t believe in you may say that is foolish, that my dad earned the money through his own heart, sweat, and hardwork, but there’s no way. There are so many people who put their heart, sweat, and hardwork into the things they love to have it fall. So thank you God for being present even when not all of us see you…
And second, thank you for your cross lord. Thank you for allowing me to rejoice with you in the fact that I can talk to you and feel you loving me and have me love you back. I’m so blind. So many times, yesterday, today, weeks ago, and sadly, most-likely, weeks to come… BUT *lol* you still love me, this defected human heart not even functional to do what’s it’s functioned to do which is to believe in you, your love, pour it upon each other, and back to you…

I’m sorry that I can’t be enough… 

and you still love, love faulty me, love the orphans that have yet to call you Abba.. 

I can’t grasp all of you, all of your love but I pray that you’d open my heart to seriously get most of it. I just am at a lost for words. YOU ARE GOOD. and I, through the many brokenness around me, have faith that your kingdom will come. Lord, let me never stop saying Thank you. You are really all I need so let me always come back to you, to this, to prayer, to talking with you. PRINCE OF PEACE. I love you. I pray all these things in your son’s awesome mighty lovely name, Amen. 

Day 4. Day 5.

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

I didn’t upload anything because I had work all day and I honestly kept getting distracted from touching upon God’s word or presence. Wow how crazy weak.

But Day 4. Thursday in a jiffy was an annoying work day. Customers were annoying and I was annoyed so a lot of things came out not so pleasantly or lovely. Caught myself that I wasn’t glorifying God in any matter by being this way but these were all glimpses of thoughts. Like I said before, a lot of distractions and mor e annoyances but by the end of the day, I wanted to lead by love; my love for God. Although every day will not be a beautiful, relaxing, receive-God’s blessings day, I knew that all that mattered at the end of the day was worshipping his name and proclaiming my love for him.

Today Day 5. A friend finally responded to my text about me asking him if he had any prayer requests which I had sent 3 days ago. Anyway he responded and also asked if I was still feeling rejuvenated by Jesus. I responded and after clicking send, I don’t know why but a wave of realization hit me. People, my brothers and sisters prayed for me; and I have yet to thank them. And thank God for the people that he has blessed me with in my life for everything…

How flawed we are to really take things for granted.

God. Thank you. Thank you for day 4 and 5 on this renewed journey and I’m sure there will be but hopefully not more day 4 and 5 where you pick me up and put me back on solid ground. But on top of that, thank you for today for having me realize how precious the people, the brothers and sisters that surround me are. The few that really know me down to my flaws and the people who still accept and embrace me through love, I don’t deserve this love in anyway or form. But God as I’ve heard in rap songs, Blessings on blessings on blessing. God you are so good and when I don’t even deserve it. I love you God. I pray for these relationships that we would continually remind each other of your joy and goodness through our own actions and that you’d be glorified in the love we share for one another. You’re so great God. I love you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. 

‘Spirit of Compassion’ Update

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

So recently I’ve been praying a lot for my heart and my mom’s heart and I knew that God would work somehow but I never thought today would come so soon.

I began to speak of my day and of course being at church, it consisted of God, and as per usual conversation, she began to bring up her doubts about my participation in church and we slowly increased into an argument. For the past week, I’ve been doing well in being a more composed daughter in an argument thinking of God’s spirit and presence. I’m sure you’ve heard of the “I feel…” argument method where one expresses not the other’s faults (“you’re an idiot”) but rather begin with “I feel…(ex. unappreciated when you say certain things). Our argument usually goes in circles beginning with my mom from the repetition of the same argument statement that leads me to frustration from repeating the same answer and feeling misunderstood. But today she listened through and I think she understands that I understand how she feels; her nervousness of how her daughter may not have certain ends knotted. By the end of the conversation, maybe she was too tired, but I explained to her once more of the ‘I feel’ method and how it can tremendously help understand one another and she said, “I don’t think you even do that,” and I responded, “I’m trying.” She replied, “okay we’ll see.” Which is a YES in my definition. “I love you mom.” “I love you too, goodnight,” she said as she walked to her bedroom. Tears began to run down my face because how present is God. I’m just overwhelmed of how God truly works and that he cares. I really was hopeless and really thought, I’m going to be 35 by the time we start to begin to understand one another yet here we are today. I know it may not always be an uphill battle for change but at least it has begun.

Father God, wow you amaze me so much. Thank you Lord for working, and always being present. God thank you for surprising me with a gift sooner than I expected. Lord I pray that I would always lean on your love and spirit when times get rough and that you would guide my heart and my mother’s heart to THE HEART, your heart and slowly but surely heal us. Father you are so great and so amazing. I love you so much and I pray for your love to continue to Manifest this house. Protect my family , protect our hearts, and let us one day be able to find rest together in your spirit. In Jesus name, Amen.