prayer

Current Life Update

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

So it’s been 4 months since I’ve graduated and I’m still at home not working but serving the college ministry and tending to my family’s need. No matter how embarrassing it may sound to some people, I’m updating so I can do something about it and really try and motivate myself to move and get things going. I’ve think I’ve over welcomed my leisurely stay at home and spend way to long munching on food while watching tv shows and making excuses to spend time with my siblings.

So this month is dedicated to me working on the things I have to get done to get things going. I’ve been saying I’ll start up August, then September and September literally just flew by and I really want to find a job before the year is up so that I may be able to encounter new things God has in store for me in the industry.

Father God, my heart is so big for you kingdom and just serving in the ministry and being inactive in this gift that you gave me to create, Lord let me not be afraid and walk as a warrior to face the contradictions in the culture of this industry and do works to be able to give back to the church and your people. Father I pray for a heart in me that is motivated and I need you back to be my coach pushing me through not only my spiritual life but blessings that you’ve given me on earth. Fill me with your spirit of Power and Self-Control and all things love to always fuel me. I love you God, we can do this! In Jesus name, Amen.

For those reading, please pray for my motivation as well! Thank you!

1 Thessalonians 4 – “Faith in the Second Coming”

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17Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.

This verse sounds beautiful and skeptical to me. Maybe it shows me how selfish I am for the desire to be with God with little faith I really have in the second coming. I realized lately that for me, its hard to fully disbelieve the evolution or fully believe the second coming where we would rise into to clouds and meet the Lord in the air. I would love to believe it because where better to be than with our Lord, especially during hard times the lyrics “I want to be where you are” screams from the heart. But to be Christian and to follow God means putting our faith not only on the things that we want to believe in like God’s love, faith, and grace towards us, but having faith in the Bible, the truth that it gives and trusting in God’s words and spirit.

Father God, I’m sorry that my heart is blinded to your truth. Father as you reveal to me more and more of your spirit and works that you do in me, guard my faith and open my heart to believe and wait for you coming. v. 7 “For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.” God you have called us for more than the flaws of our flesh and earthly desires. I put my faith in you and your word Lord and I know you will deliver us from evil one day but until that day come, let me be an active, hard-working servant waiting for the arrival of my master. All this is for your honor and glory and praise. In Jesus name, Amen.

And so I wait for you,
So I wait for you
I’m falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus your all this heart is living for. 

1 Thessalonians 3 – “Loving One Another”

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

(I started reading 1 Thessalonians 3 and after reading a paragraph and a half’s worth, I with shock realized it was a short chapter and was thinking oh my gosh, it’s almost over and haven’t absorbed anything… I need to go back and re-read more slowly. I think at times it’s easy to read the bible while floating along, doing the motions, and the same goes with everyday life. Sometimes we don’t see how quick the end comes and unfortunately we can’t go back to re-do our life more slowly and meaningfully. Just thought I’d share before I start.)

12and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you,

Recently I’ve been feeling really bitter about this verse or anything that has to do with love one another. I often try to see the best in people and I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like to have bad relations with anyone and at times I wish God has given me a personality that was more indifferent when it comes to community. That person doesn’t like me? That’s okay we don’t all have to get along and be friends. But for me it’s hard to accept that because why not? Especially in the christian community, it’s painful to see a brothers and sisters not getting along or not trying. I realized no matter how different we are on the outside, we are still all children of God and our Father is our bond to one another; it’s the matter of willingness and effort to seek the heart and spirit within them to see the beauty that God sees in them.

Now I know what your thinking, someone may be thinking the same thing about you how you may not seem so loving and trying. I know, we’re all flawed and we have sin to blame and Jesus to celebrate but I guess it really hurts when people you thought were friends hurt you the same making you feel you guys never were in the first place. I guess I expected more when it came to Christians because we’re in a community where we strive to love or fight for one another.

At times I do feel lonely, I’m serving at the college ministry when I’m not a college student anymore and all my friends that I considered myself to be “chill” with have left the community or left their faith. I’m surrounded by underclassmen but even then feel secluded not being in their grade. After feeling unwanted a lot of thoughts come to mind, is it because I’m a bit larger? is it because I’m too loud or have no personality? What I mean by no personality is that I can’t really say I’m known for a specific thing than being all over the place. I’m a sensitive person behind the jokes and toughness I seem to show and like saying before, I wish I was more indifferent. But all these thoughts and feelings leave me resenting myself for who God made me to be.

Yesterday after spending a beautiful time worshiping and praying and being filled, I encountered another situation where I felt out-of-place and made me realize, wow, without God’s presence and living in the Holy Spirit, we are so easily prone to being affected and hurt and angry. While driving home, I dealt with those “lies” in my head that the flaw was with me, I’m the problem why I’m not loved. But the son No longer slaves came on and I ended up yelling freely in my car, “I AM SENSITIVE AND GOD LOVES ME FOR IT!” And as cheesy it may sound, my definition isn’t Doris – large, loud, no personality but it’s Doris – child of God and that enough to suffice my identity.

I know that there will be no day where we would bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy (Mean Girls ref. lol) until that day comes where we reunite with our Father in Heaven. But until that day comes I hope that we can all strive for our identity in Christ in trying to love one another because he loved us when we were undeserving. He calls us child when we’ve run away and rebelled, so with that same heart that is in us, lets love one another.

Father God, you are so great and so amazing to have sent your son, for us to be able to reconnect with you, to be able to receive your love and grace and to be made anew. Lord you have given us so much, let us be so proud to be your child and walk proudly with power knowing that you are with us wherever you go. Thank you for the personality you gave me and thank you for always loving me through my flaws and outbreaks. You are a mighty God and I love you so much. Let your spirit always suffice each and everyday. In Jesus name, Amen. 

2 Timothy 1 – Self Control

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2 Timothy 1: 6-7

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

After reading this I think of the song Consuming Fire by Hillsong United

Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name

I always sang it as “the consuming fire is like a fire into flame” with only the visuals of a growing fire but the verse sheds a new light to this flame, that “we must fan into the flame which is the gift of God”.  Moving forward, what really struck me was reading that God gave us self-control. I understand that we’re not supposed to plan or control our own future because God is in control but reading this, Paul reminds us that it’s also our responsibility for us to be in control of our own hearts.
I think a lot of times, I say God is all-knowing and all-controlling and use that as an excuse to not move myself because if it’s God’s will, I would feel to move right? No. I think it pleases God to see our efforts to move our butts so that we can make time to do works for him and seek after for his heart. He gave us a spirit of self-control to not surround ourselves with things that we know would distract us from him and guard our hearts from certain things to fan and maintain this flame, this gift that God has given us.

Father God, I thank you for a revealing a spirit that you gave me that I overlooked. God plant in me a desire and excitement to fan this flame, this precious flame you gave us. Help me focus on your spirit of love, power, and self-control so that I may be able to work hard for your kingdom inside and outside of church community and I for more self-control in indulging in this world. Lord you are all I need, give me a heart to serve my King. In Jesus name, Amen.  

Matthew 28 – Greetings

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“Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭28:9‬ ‭NIV‬

I find it so beautiful that the first thing Jesus says after being ressurected from the dead was ‘greetings’. If a king and savior has resurrected from the dead, I would imagine, “I have risen and I have proven you wrong, I am the almighty!!!” Or something more grandure but he says hello and it melts my heart that he would still be humble and still remember us, still say hi to us. 

My most intimate moments during prayer after I haven’t prayed in a while is when I’m ready to pray and he say, “hi Doris”. He says hello to begin the conversation and/or for me to listen. The almighty savior says hello to the hopeless, the broken, his child, his precious son / daughter and praise him for that. 

Hi God. Thankyou for alway being here for me and listening to me. Father how precious is the gift you have to us, this quality of love and being able to share it. You have sacrificed your son to love me and help me to do the same. Help me to sacrifice my pride and my time to be close to you, to spend time all day thinking of you and talking to you knowing that you are near that you are always present. Holy is my father and sovereign is his love. Widen my heart to be filled with more of your love. I love you God. In Jesus name, Amen.

Matthew 27 – God’s Gifting and Working

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The Crucifixion.
Many people had tested God that day by saying,“You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself! If you are the Son of God, come down from the cross.” I would feel so suffocated in this situation holding in the truth to cover all man’s sins even the ones before me. They even sent a guard to guard the tombstone for three days to test to see what he had said was true.

From this passage it makes me think of all the times I’ve “tested” God before by asking Him, “God if you really exist, please _______ right now.”  And the blanks would be filled by ‘fix my family’, ‘heal his bitter heart’, ‘stop the rain’ without having faith and seeing that God has a bigger picture for us than just right now. God was already moving and is always moving in us and for us to ask of him to work right now is pretty selfish. He has been working with the beginning by placing the big bright sun in the sky that starts our day, through sending Jesus to cover us so that we may have the privilege to have this precious relationship with God now and forever.

50And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit. 51And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. 52The tombs also were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised,53and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many. 54When the centurion and those who were with him, keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and what took place, they were filled with awe and said, “Truly this was the Son of God!”

Father God, it seems sometimes that we take your love for granted. This precious gift that you gave to us shouldn’t be reminded only by reading Matthew 27 but in all chapters everyday. Everything we have wouldn’t be without you and I thank you so much for sending your only son Jesus to die for us so that we may be forgiven even today to question your existence and works. God you love us so much, I’m sorry for all the times I was afraid. Search my heart and fill it with your Spirit God and help me to use this gift you gave to walk in courage and serve your kingdom. I love you God, In your son’s most precious name, Amen. 

Matthew 26 – Falling

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It’s the beginning of the climax. The last supper, Judas’s betrayal, Peter’s denial; it all makes me sad how these men who were Jesus’s disciples, his right hand men would turn their backs on him. How lonely Jesus must have felt to knowing they would fail him. I remember years ago, I picked up my phone at the last ring and the friend, thinking that I didn’t pick up, starting speaking poorly of me while I listened on the other end. At that moment my faith in my friends vanished; who where these people I called friends? I wonder if Jesus felt anger and disappointment but just stayed calm because it was his father’s will to cover our sins. I also wonder if in my life I’ll ever deny or betray Jesus as Peter or Judas did. As of now, I have no problem sharing my faith and not feeling ‘not cool’ when I tell my friends I can’t make it to their hangout because I have church events. But if America was under the conditions in other countries where personal beliefs weren’t allowed and the penalty was death would I still believe? Would I declare my faith moments before my coming death?

41Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Father God, this passage revealed to me how easy it is to fall into temptation and failure. You were living among your disciples and your presence was right there yet they fell. Lord help me and build me so that my flesh would also be willing to shout your name and declare that you are my King. I pray that you would deliver me from evil and temptation, that you would have a strong hold on my heart, protect it and guard it. Thank you for allowing me to have freedom in believing you and being able to freely share about your kingdom and glory. I love you, In Jesus name, Amen.

Matthew 21 / 22

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Matthew 21: 28-32
“What do you think? A man had two sons. And he went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work in the vineyard today.’ And he answered, ‘I will not,’ but afterward he changed his mind and went. And he went to the other son and said the same. And he answered, ‘I go, sir,’ but did not go. Which of the two did the will of his father?” They said, “The first.” Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes believed him. And even when you saw it, you did not afterward change your minds and believe him.

Matthew 22: 11-14
 “But when the king came in to look at the guests, he saw there a man who had no wedding garment. And he said to him, ‘Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding garment?’ And he was speechless. Then the king said to the attendants, ‘Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ For many are called, but few are chosen.”

There is a definite difference between hearing and doing. My mom yells at me all the time for it. “Doris, I told you to clean your room but did you do it? No. That’s why I’m here nagging you because you said you would but didn’t!” I’m sure God’s thinking the same thing. After OTR missions I told myself and God that I would try to take up my cross and follow him and so far its been almost the exact opposite. Am I following if all I’m doing all day is watching Netflix and play Smash with my brother? If I’m cooking or cleaning to avoid doing the real work?
After reading Matthew 22’s passage of the inadequate guest, I thought, am I dressed for God’s banquet? Do I have a wedding banquet? Maybe I received one but its being eating away by cloth eating bugs or dusting away in the corner of my life?

Lord, help me draw near to you that I may desire for your presence 24/7. God you reminded me of how much you love us, how big of a heart you have for each and every one of us individually and it amazes me the heart you have for such faulty people. God let me be able to spend time with you. May I be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). Help me to become more than just a responder but a do-er. In Jesus name, Amen.

Matthew 10

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

Recently my parents have been burdening my heart. My mom gave up Christianity when my brother was going through a hard time in school. “There is No God who would put me and my family through this kind of stress,” she said. My dad tried Christianity but kept to his ways of his southern korean tradition of “being a men”. “I will never shed tears because I am a man and your dad.” And being an overly emotional person, I cry at sad endings, frustrations, joys and it’s just a messy conversation when the three of us start talking about life and future and ‘what is right’.

34 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. 37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.38 And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
 

It kinda threw me into shock after reading Matthew 10:34-39. It also made me think of Matthew 8: 21-22 Another of the disciples said to him, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead.” My first thought is God What? Didn’t you place me in this family for me? To think that God may ask me to turn away from my family to do his work is unsettling for me. Yes we get into argument and it’s not a perfect family but I love my family. If my whole family were to perish right now, I’m sure I would grow bitter at God.
Now thinking about how I would react and realize how much I hold on to my family so dearly must mean I’m still attached to this world. My brother once asked me, If you were to die right now, what would be the last thing you’d want to do? I thought about it and responded Say my goodbyes. It’s weird to think that God may not give me that opportunity or even have me turn against my family but if I think of the future for my kids, I would want them to rely on God’s unending love because I’m bound to fail somewhere. By revealing this passage I think God’s speaking to me that it’s okay that your parent and you are arguing. My name does that sometimes… *chuckles.

Father God, help me to grow into a wise, loving daughter of my parents but also to grow into a women of Christ that is willing to follow you for your greater purpose. Just like how we need to cut ties with bad influences such as friends in our lives, I think maybe it’s okay to cut the bad ties and influences our parents have on us like the words, ” You are unworthy”. Father you call me worthy, daughter, and child. Let this not be a rebel against my parents but have this become the strength that may lead them towards to understanding their place in your heart as well. Father help me to come to understand more of taking up my cross. Lord I pray for my future husband and family, children, I pray that they would love you more and rely more on your providence while respecting the family you have given them. My family is not eternal so Lord let my comfort come from my Father in Heaven and abide in you. In Jesus name, Amen.

All I need is you Lord
is you Lord
All I need is you Lord

Matthew 9

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

Jesus Heals, and by reading this chapter, I was able to find such settlement and rest in my heart that no matter how crazy the situation or impossible sicknesses can seem, He can heal through our faith.

Father God, I pray for unwithering faith. Lord let me be able to never doubt your abilities knowing that you are always working through our struggles, that you have never forsaken us. I pray for any doubt in me to leave and always walk forward strong in peace knowing you reign. You are such a great God who loves such faulty people, Thankyou. In Jesus name, Amen.