people

Day 4. Day 5.

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

I didn’t upload anything because I had work all day and I honestly kept getting distracted from touching upon God’s word or presence. Wow how crazy weak.

But Day 4. Thursday in a jiffy was an annoying work day. Customers were annoying and I was annoyed so a lot of things came out not so pleasantly or lovely. Caught myself that I wasn’t glorifying God in any matter by being this way but these were all glimpses of thoughts. Like I said before, a lot of distractions and mor e annoyances but by the end of the day, I wanted to lead by love; my love for God. Although every day will not be a beautiful, relaxing, receive-God’s blessings day, I knew that all that mattered at the end of the day was worshipping his name and proclaiming my love for him.

Today Day 5. A friend finally responded to my text about me asking him if he had any prayer requests which I had sent 3 days ago. Anyway he responded and also asked if I was still feeling rejuvenated by Jesus. I responded and after clicking send, I don’t know why but a wave of realization hit me. People, my brothers and sisters prayed for me; and I have yet to thank them. And thank God for the people that he has blessed me with in my life for everything…

How flawed we are to really take things for granted.

God. Thank you. Thank you for day 4 and 5 on this renewed journey and I’m sure there will be but hopefully not more day 4 and 5 where you pick me up and put me back on solid ground. But on top of that, thank you for today for having me realize how precious the people, the brothers and sisters that surround me are. The few that really know me down to my flaws and the people who still accept and embrace me through love, I don’t deserve this love in anyway or form. But God as I’ve heard in rap songs, Blessings on blessings on blessing. God you are so good and when I don’t even deserve it. I love you God. I pray for these relationships that we would continually remind each other of your joy and goodness through our own actions and that you’d be glorified in the love we share for one another. You’re so great God. I love you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. 

Finding Approval in People.

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

I think we all do it. We have that one person we like or have ‘favor’ towards and your searching your Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat to see if they liked it or saw it, somehow when they haven’t seem to have like it yet, you feel less about yourself.

Maybe it’s just me or the people around me but I find my sister, friends, and of course myself doing it and when you start to realize a pattern in that, you start to think why? What’s wrong with me? Do you not like my humor? Do you not like me? WHY DON’T YOU LIKE ME?!

We live in a world where we try to find people’s approval and it’s honestly going to get us nowhere. Why are we searching for our value and worth in a thumbs up of another person? Being Christian it’s really unhealthy to search for that source of completeness in oneself when we have a Father that calls us so precious and loves us so much with the power of a million thumbs up blasting at you every second. I pray for me and for those who struggle with this to really feel the vastness of His love 24/7, to understand that he’s always present, that our security would come from Him alone who is above all things, and we would be free from our bindings to a blue thumbs up.

Lamentation 5 – God Forsake His People?

~ DL ~ Leave a comment
Jeremiah speaks of the state of God’s people how everything basically sucks and at the end writes,
v.19 – 22 You, Lord, reign forever;
your throne endures from generation to generation.
Why do you always forget us?
Why do you forsake us so long?
Restore us to yourself, Lord, that we may return;
renew our days as of old
unless you have utterly rejected us
and are angry with us beyond measure.
I remember Paster Ulysses speaking in apprenticeship training how our God is the same God throughout the bible and that he isn’t an angry God in the Old Testament and a loving, baby lamb holding God in the New Testament. So when I come to read things like “Why do you forsake us?” I would initially think, did Old Testament God forsake his people? But further thinking upon it, I think it’s natural for Jeremiah to think that God has forsaken them. That he left them in the rut to just rot away and have everything suck. Just as we think God has left us when times are rough.
When I think back to my first encounters with God, when I first came back to church in about two and half years ago, I remember being filled with bitterness and confusion. Why is my family going through this hard time? Why isn’t he fixing anything and why is he ‘letting’ this happen? Whenever I felt such bitterness, my family group leader (Jon Gong) would always say, “Doris, God is good.” Tears would run down my face because I wanted to except that fact so badly but the circumstances didn’t allow my heart to fully realize it.
God has never left my side and God’s timing is beyond our measure. So even now when I pray constantly for God to shed his light on my mom and see no change, I think to myself God, please HEAR my prayer because it feels like nothings happening. I come back to remind myself that God is working and it’s just a matter of MY faith and patience in Him.
Father God, you have been with me through everything, and I know you will always be with me through everything. So God, I pray, keep me strong, when waters get deep and my faith is tested, Lord let me be so strong in that you have faith in me. I think my faith is being tested everyday living in a household of non-believers but God, you are greater than my problems here in this temporary home. God you are able and you love is overly abundant so thank you so much for bringing me this far. Thank you for revealing your truths, pouring your grace and mercy, for carrying my burdens, and for lightening the weight on my heart by filling it with your spirit. God I pray for your strength to reside in me whenever my knees feel weak. Help me to be bold and so unafraid of this world. I love you, In Jesus name. Amen.

1 Thessalonians 3 – “Loving One Another”

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

(I started reading 1 Thessalonians 3 and after reading a paragraph and a half’s worth, I with shock realized it was a short chapter and was thinking oh my gosh, it’s almost over and haven’t absorbed anything… I need to go back and re-read more slowly. I think at times it’s easy to read the bible while floating along, doing the motions, and the same goes with everyday life. Sometimes we don’t see how quick the end comes and unfortunately we can’t go back to re-do our life more slowly and meaningfully. Just thought I’d share before I start.)

12and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you,

Recently I’ve been feeling really bitter about this verse or anything that has to do with love one another. I often try to see the best in people and I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like to have bad relations with anyone and at times I wish God has given me a personality that was more indifferent when it comes to community. That person doesn’t like me? That’s okay we don’t all have to get along and be friends. But for me it’s hard to accept that because why not? Especially in the christian community, it’s painful to see a brothers and sisters not getting along or not trying. I realized no matter how different we are on the outside, we are still all children of God and our Father is our bond to one another; it’s the matter of willingness and effort to seek the heart and spirit within them to see the beauty that God sees in them.

Now I know what your thinking, someone may be thinking the same thing about you how you may not seem so loving and trying. I know, we’re all flawed and we have sin to blame and Jesus to celebrate but I guess it really hurts when people you thought were friends hurt you the same making you feel you guys never were in the first place. I guess I expected more when it came to Christians because we’re in a community where we strive to love or fight for one another.

At times I do feel lonely, I’m serving at the college ministry when I’m not a college student anymore and all my friends that I considered myself to be “chill” with have left the community or left their faith. I’m surrounded by underclassmen but even then feel secluded not being in their grade. After feeling unwanted a lot of thoughts come to mind, is it because I’m a bit larger? is it because I’m too loud or have no personality? What I mean by no personality is that I can’t really say I’m known for a specific thing than being all over the place. I’m a sensitive person behind the jokes and toughness I seem to show and like saying before, I wish I was more indifferent. But all these thoughts and feelings leave me resenting myself for who God made me to be.

Yesterday after spending a beautiful time worshiping and praying and being filled, I encountered another situation where I felt out-of-place and made me realize, wow, without God’s presence and living in the Holy Spirit, we are so easily prone to being affected and hurt and angry. While driving home, I dealt with those “lies” in my head that the flaw was with me, I’m the problem why I’m not loved. But the son No longer slaves came on and I ended up yelling freely in my car, “I AM SENSITIVE AND GOD LOVES ME FOR IT!” And as cheesy it may sound, my definition isn’t Doris – large, loud, no personality but it’s Doris – child of God and that enough to suffice my identity.

I know that there will be no day where we would bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy (Mean Girls ref. lol) until that day comes where we reunite with our Father in Heaven. But until that day comes I hope that we can all strive for our identity in Christ in trying to love one another because he loved us when we were undeserving. He calls us child when we’ve run away and rebelled, so with that same heart that is in us, lets love one another.

Father God, you are so great and so amazing to have sent your son, for us to be able to reconnect with you, to be able to receive your love and grace and to be made anew. Lord you have given us so much, let us be so proud to be your child and walk proudly with power knowing that you are with us wherever you go. Thank you for the personality you gave me and thank you for always loving me through my flaws and outbreaks. You are a mighty God and I love you so much. Let your spirit always suffice each and everyday. In Jesus name, Amen.