Jesus

Lamentation 5 – God Forsake His People?

~ DL ~ Leave a comment
Jeremiah speaks of the state of God’s people how everything basically sucks and at the end writes,
v.19 – 22 You, Lord, reign forever;
your throne endures from generation to generation.
Why do you always forget us?
Why do you forsake us so long?
Restore us to yourself, Lord, that we may return;
renew our days as of old
unless you have utterly rejected us
and are angry with us beyond measure.
I remember Paster Ulysses speaking in apprenticeship training how our God is the same God throughout the bible and that he isn’t an angry God in the Old Testament and a loving, baby lamb holding God in the New Testament. So when I come to read things like “Why do you forsake us?” I would initially think, did Old Testament God forsake his people? But further thinking upon it, I think it’s natural for Jeremiah to think that God has forsaken them. That he left them in the rut to just rot away and have everything suck. Just as we think God has left us when times are rough.
When I think back to my first encounters with God, when I first came back to church in about two and half years ago, I remember being filled with bitterness and confusion. Why is my family going through this hard time? Why isn’t he fixing anything and why is he ‘letting’ this happen? Whenever I felt such bitterness, my family group leader (Jon Gong) would always say, “Doris, God is good.” Tears would run down my face because I wanted to except that fact so badly but the circumstances didn’t allow my heart to fully realize it.
God has never left my side and God’s timing is beyond our measure. So even now when I pray constantly for God to shed his light on my mom and see no change, I think to myself God, please HEAR my prayer because it feels like nothings happening. I come back to remind myself that God is working and it’s just a matter of MY faith and patience in Him.
Father God, you have been with me through everything, and I know you will always be with me through everything. So God, I pray, keep me strong, when waters get deep and my faith is tested, Lord let me be so strong in that you have faith in me. I think my faith is being tested everyday living in a household of non-believers but God, you are greater than my problems here in this temporary home. God you are able and you love is overly abundant so thank you so much for bringing me this far. Thank you for revealing your truths, pouring your grace and mercy, for carrying my burdens, and for lightening the weight on my heart by filling it with your spirit. God I pray for your strength to reside in me whenever my knees feel weak. Help me to be bold and so unafraid of this world. I love you, In Jesus name. Amen.

‘New York’ Me vs. ‘New Jersey’ Me

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

While I was in college I lived my freshman year and sophomore year partying, having fun, going out at night sometimes even on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and by the end of each year, my group of secular friends got boring. The same old places, doing the same things, laughing about the same stuff and I asked myself, is this it? Feeling bad about not being skinner than the friend next to me, never getting the guy, being there to go through the motions of being excited and happy for my friends? Don’t get me wrong, I loved my friends; it was my heart that was the problem.

I then was invited to church by a friend and since that day, I was able to find the greatest joy, His light. This light and freedom that God provided was like no other I was hooked and decided to go on a journey with Him. My next two years of college I spent worshipping and praying to God; praying for my family, school, friends, and receiving His love in all of it, covering over my fears and insecurities. He opened my eyes to so many things and most of all that he promised to continue opening my eyes to things as I adventured through the highs and lows of life.

I moved back into New Jersey and the hardest thing was that the Doris from HighSchool came back and not the Doris from New York. The unchanged, lazy, ungrateful Doris that had life handed to her breakfast, lunch, and dinner with a bunch of side dishes. I now spend 4 days in New York with my church community and spend 3 days in New Jersey, how is it that my New York side doesn’t over triumph my New Jersey side?

So I looked up “What does the Bible say about ‘Putting the Past Behind’. And I’m sure it’s about sin and shame but now as I’m writing, New Jersey me is sinful me and shameful me living life through the patterns of this earth.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 

I am a new creation in Christ and maybe I haven’t lived as if I had been made new because I was lacking faith that God has made me new.

It doesn’t matter whether or not my family is Christian (which they’re not) but the point being, this world is going to be filled with situations where my faith comes to test, where I must stand strong with God by my side. Whether it’d be me fasting from media and only listening to Christian music or having a verse on my arm, I need to surround myself with Godly things or else I’ll be tempted by ALL THE FAMILIAR THINGS IN MY HOUSE to be familiar NJ Doris that has been living in this house alone for 9 years.

Prayer Request: If you’ve read through this I think I still need prayer from my community of brothers and sisters whoever you may be, pray for God’s protection over my heart, that this familiar house wouldn’t bring back familiar me and that I would focus on my faith that God has made me new.

Father God, what a turn of events you have given me by placing me back in the home before you saved me. It’s going to be hard I know, but I know that with you, the victory is already claimed so Jesus I pray that you would keep my hopes up and that your spirit would not only affect me but my family. I am not following you for my family God, I’m following you for us. Knowing that your glory and your joy is the light in my heart that brings me back to you and your love. God I pray keep me safe, protect me and my family from lies of this earth and tender our hearts for one another. Father help me to see your presence in all things that happen in this house knowing that you sovereign. I love you God, In Jesus name, Amen.

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

Daniel 1 – Our God Sovereigns

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

I think I remember a service where this chapter was how kosher came and Daniel and three others didn’t want to eat food and wine provided by the king but vegetables. It’s interesting how God was able to skillfully sovereign and provide for Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah.

v.9 And God gave Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the chief of the eunuchs,

it doesn’t say the chiefs were feeling merciful but that GOD gave compassion and favor to the chiefs upon Daniel. God had shifted the chief’s hearts at the moment to listen to Daniel so that they may be able to honor God.

v.17 As for these four youths, God gave them learning and skill in all literature and wisdom, and Daniel had understanding in all visions and dreams.

God provided them with the wisdom that also made the king inquire them and not just “here’s wisdom”, wisdom and understanding “ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters that were in all his kingdom” (v.20).

Saturday night at the retreat, Pastor Peter Yoon said that “you’re never in the wrong place or wrong time when being used by God“. And Daniel 1 really comes to show that when God is working in you or through you he will supply and provide in marvelous ways that are 10x better than this world can offer.

Father God, you have our backs when doing your will, and you will always work things for our good so I pray that you would lift our faith in you even more so that we may be unafraid of honoring you knowing that you sovereign over all things. In Jesus name, Amen.

Current Life Update

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

So it’s been 4 months since I’ve graduated and I’m still at home not working but serving the college ministry and tending to my family’s need. No matter how embarrassing it may sound to some people, I’m updating so I can do something about it and really try and motivate myself to move and get things going. I’ve think I’ve over welcomed my leisurely stay at home and spend way to long munching on food while watching tv shows and making excuses to spend time with my siblings.

So this month is dedicated to me working on the things I have to get done to get things going. I’ve been saying I’ll start up August, then September and September literally just flew by and I really want to find a job before the year is up so that I may be able to encounter new things God has in store for me in the industry.

Father God, my heart is so big for you kingdom and just serving in the ministry and being inactive in this gift that you gave me to create, Lord let me not be afraid and walk as a warrior to face the contradictions in the culture of this industry and do works to be able to give back to the church and your people. Father I pray for a heart in me that is motivated and I need you back to be my coach pushing me through not only my spiritual life but blessings that you’ve given me on earth. Fill me with your spirit of Power and Self-Control and all things love to always fuel me. I love you God, we can do this! In Jesus name, Amen.

For those reading, please pray for my motivation as well! Thank you!

1 Thessalonians 4 – “Faith in the Second Coming”

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17Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.

This verse sounds beautiful and skeptical to me. Maybe it shows me how selfish I am for the desire to be with God with little faith I really have in the second coming. I realized lately that for me, its hard to fully disbelieve the evolution or fully believe the second coming where we would rise into to clouds and meet the Lord in the air. I would love to believe it because where better to be than with our Lord, especially during hard times the lyrics “I want to be where you are” screams from the heart. But to be Christian and to follow God means putting our faith not only on the things that we want to believe in like God’s love, faith, and grace towards us, but having faith in the Bible, the truth that it gives and trusting in God’s words and spirit.

Father God, I’m sorry that my heart is blinded to your truth. Father as you reveal to me more and more of your spirit and works that you do in me, guard my faith and open my heart to believe and wait for you coming. v. 7 “For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.” God you have called us for more than the flaws of our flesh and earthly desires. I put my faith in you and your word Lord and I know you will deliver us from evil one day but until that day come, let me be an active, hard-working servant waiting for the arrival of my master. All this is for your honor and glory and praise. In Jesus name, Amen.

And so I wait for you,
So I wait for you
I’m falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus your all this heart is living for. 

1 Thessalonians 3 – “Loving One Another”

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

(I started reading 1 Thessalonians 3 and after reading a paragraph and a half’s worth, I with shock realized it was a short chapter and was thinking oh my gosh, it’s almost over and haven’t absorbed anything… I need to go back and re-read more slowly. I think at times it’s easy to read the bible while floating along, doing the motions, and the same goes with everyday life. Sometimes we don’t see how quick the end comes and unfortunately we can’t go back to re-do our life more slowly and meaningfully. Just thought I’d share before I start.)

12and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you,

Recently I’ve been feeling really bitter about this verse or anything that has to do with love one another. I often try to see the best in people and I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like to have bad relations with anyone and at times I wish God has given me a personality that was more indifferent when it comes to community. That person doesn’t like me? That’s okay we don’t all have to get along and be friends. But for me it’s hard to accept that because why not? Especially in the christian community, it’s painful to see a brothers and sisters not getting along or not trying. I realized no matter how different we are on the outside, we are still all children of God and our Father is our bond to one another; it’s the matter of willingness and effort to seek the heart and spirit within them to see the beauty that God sees in them.

Now I know what your thinking, someone may be thinking the same thing about you how you may not seem so loving and trying. I know, we’re all flawed and we have sin to blame and Jesus to celebrate but I guess it really hurts when people you thought were friends hurt you the same making you feel you guys never were in the first place. I guess I expected more when it came to Christians because we’re in a community where we strive to love or fight for one another.

At times I do feel lonely, I’m serving at the college ministry when I’m not a college student anymore and all my friends that I considered myself to be “chill” with have left the community or left their faith. I’m surrounded by underclassmen but even then feel secluded not being in their grade. After feeling unwanted a lot of thoughts come to mind, is it because I’m a bit larger? is it because I’m too loud or have no personality? What I mean by no personality is that I can’t really say I’m known for a specific thing than being all over the place. I’m a sensitive person behind the jokes and toughness I seem to show and like saying before, I wish I was more indifferent. But all these thoughts and feelings leave me resenting myself for who God made me to be.

Yesterday after spending a beautiful time worshiping and praying and being filled, I encountered another situation where I felt out-of-place and made me realize, wow, without God’s presence and living in the Holy Spirit, we are so easily prone to being affected and hurt and angry. While driving home, I dealt with those “lies” in my head that the flaw was with me, I’m the problem why I’m not loved. But the son No longer slaves came on and I ended up yelling freely in my car, “I AM SENSITIVE AND GOD LOVES ME FOR IT!” And as cheesy it may sound, my definition isn’t Doris – large, loud, no personality but it’s Doris – child of God and that enough to suffice my identity.

I know that there will be no day where we would bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy (Mean Girls ref. lol) until that day comes where we reunite with our Father in Heaven. But until that day comes I hope that we can all strive for our identity in Christ in trying to love one another because he loved us when we were undeserving. He calls us child when we’ve run away and rebelled, so with that same heart that is in us, lets love one another.

Father God, you are so great and so amazing to have sent your son, for us to be able to reconnect with you, to be able to receive your love and grace and to be made anew. Lord you have given us so much, let us be so proud to be your child and walk proudly with power knowing that you are with us wherever you go. Thank you for the personality you gave me and thank you for always loving me through my flaws and outbreaks. You are a mighty God and I love you so much. Let your spirit always suffice each and everyday. In Jesus name, Amen. 

2 Timothy 1 – Self Control

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

2 Timothy 1: 6-7

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

After reading this I think of the song Consuming Fire by Hillsong United

Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name

I always sang it as “the consuming fire is like a fire into flame” with only the visuals of a growing fire but the verse sheds a new light to this flame, that “we must fan into the flame which is the gift of God”.  Moving forward, what really struck me was reading that God gave us self-control. I understand that we’re not supposed to plan or control our own future because God is in control but reading this, Paul reminds us that it’s also our responsibility for us to be in control of our own hearts.
I think a lot of times, I say God is all-knowing and all-controlling and use that as an excuse to not move myself because if it’s God’s will, I would feel to move right? No. I think it pleases God to see our efforts to move our butts so that we can make time to do works for him and seek after for his heart. He gave us a spirit of self-control to not surround ourselves with things that we know would distract us from him and guard our hearts from certain things to fan and maintain this flame, this gift that God has given us.

Father God, I thank you for a revealing a spirit that you gave me that I overlooked. God plant in me a desire and excitement to fan this flame, this precious flame you gave us. Help me focus on your spirit of love, power, and self-control so that I may be able to work hard for your kingdom inside and outside of church community and I for more self-control in indulging in this world. Lord you are all I need, give me a heart to serve my King. In Jesus name, Amen.  

Matthew 28 – Greetings

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“Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭28:9‬ ‭NIV‬

I find it so beautiful that the first thing Jesus says after being ressurected from the dead was ‘greetings’. If a king and savior has resurrected from the dead, I would imagine, “I have risen and I have proven you wrong, I am the almighty!!!” Or something more grandure but he says hello and it melts my heart that he would still be humble and still remember us, still say hi to us. 

My most intimate moments during prayer after I haven’t prayed in a while is when I’m ready to pray and he say, “hi Doris”. He says hello to begin the conversation and/or for me to listen. The almighty savior says hello to the hopeless, the broken, his child, his precious son / daughter and praise him for that. 

Hi God. Thankyou for alway being here for me and listening to me. Father how precious is the gift you have to us, this quality of love and being able to share it. You have sacrificed your son to love me and help me to do the same. Help me to sacrifice my pride and my time to be close to you, to spend time all day thinking of you and talking to you knowing that you are near that you are always present. Holy is my father and sovereign is his love. Widen my heart to be filled with more of your love. I love you God. In Jesus name, Amen.

Matthew 27 – God’s Gifting and Working

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The Crucifixion.
Many people had tested God that day by saying,“You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself! If you are the Son of God, come down from the cross.” I would feel so suffocated in this situation holding in the truth to cover all man’s sins even the ones before me. They even sent a guard to guard the tombstone for three days to test to see what he had said was true.

From this passage it makes me think of all the times I’ve “tested” God before by asking Him, “God if you really exist, please _______ right now.”  And the blanks would be filled by ‘fix my family’, ‘heal his bitter heart’, ‘stop the rain’ without having faith and seeing that God has a bigger picture for us than just right now. God was already moving and is always moving in us and for us to ask of him to work right now is pretty selfish. He has been working with the beginning by placing the big bright sun in the sky that starts our day, through sending Jesus to cover us so that we may have the privilege to have this precious relationship with God now and forever.

50And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit. 51And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. 52The tombs also were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised,53and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many. 54When the centurion and those who were with him, keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and what took place, they were filled with awe and said, “Truly this was the Son of God!”

Father God, it seems sometimes that we take your love for granted. This precious gift that you gave to us shouldn’t be reminded only by reading Matthew 27 but in all chapters everyday. Everything we have wouldn’t be without you and I thank you so much for sending your only son Jesus to die for us so that we may be forgiven even today to question your existence and works. God you love us so much, I’m sorry for all the times I was afraid. Search my heart and fill it with your Spirit God and help me to use this gift you gave to walk in courage and serve your kingdom. I love you God, In your son’s most precious name, Amen. 

Matthew 26 – Falling

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It’s the beginning of the climax. The last supper, Judas’s betrayal, Peter’s denial; it all makes me sad how these men who were Jesus’s disciples, his right hand men would turn their backs on him. How lonely Jesus must have felt to knowing they would fail him. I remember years ago, I picked up my phone at the last ring and the friend, thinking that I didn’t pick up, starting speaking poorly of me while I listened on the other end. At that moment my faith in my friends vanished; who where these people I called friends? I wonder if Jesus felt anger and disappointment but just stayed calm because it was his father’s will to cover our sins. I also wonder if in my life I’ll ever deny or betray Jesus as Peter or Judas did. As of now, I have no problem sharing my faith and not feeling ‘not cool’ when I tell my friends I can’t make it to their hangout because I have church events. But if America was under the conditions in other countries where personal beliefs weren’t allowed and the penalty was death would I still believe? Would I declare my faith moments before my coming death?

41Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Father God, this passage revealed to me how easy it is to fall into temptation and failure. You were living among your disciples and your presence was right there yet they fell. Lord help me and build me so that my flesh would also be willing to shout your name and declare that you are my King. I pray that you would deliver me from evil and temptation, that you would have a strong hold on my heart, protect it and guard it. Thank you for allowing me to have freedom in believing you and being able to freely share about your kingdom and glory. I love you, In Jesus name, Amen.