Holy Spirit

October 30th, 2023. Hello @ thinkgrapefruit.com

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

2023. I cannot believe I am here once more and this was not on my own accord.

It seems God is leading me to types of “expression” or “art” that I don’t feel very confident in.

I can hear him now. “how would you know that it was me?”

I’ve come to realize I’m a very simple human, no schemes, no tricks. Not because I’m “holier than thou” but because I really don’t think my brain was built to handle such a maze of complex, algorithmic ideas that somehow streamline my goal. And God truly utilizes this and treats me so and I’m thankful. Thankful for a God who knows me and speaks simply and clearly because he knew, if I had confidence in what I do, I would have given the glory to my natural talent and pride myself on my skills rather than rely on his good spirit.

So here I am.

I would ask for grace for my literature and language for it’s filled with metaphors and I’m not quite literal or matter of fact when it comes to written communication, but I am just now grasping the celebration of how I think, how I write, how I speak and I cannot apologize for this now I believe this was how I was designed. (of course, I will still strive to activate parts of my weaker pockets of literacy and communicate in ways that could be understood by more).

So welcome. Welcome to you and welcome spirit of thought that was trusted to me for who knows how long.

I really don’t know what’s to come. (again you can tell it’s God working here because if it was up to me, you know I would dig hard into branding and finding a voice, tailoring it for an audience thanks to my 2D communication class sophomore year @ Parsons.)

But here’s a post just to get my fingers warmed up.
Here’s a post just to put in some work (oof speaking of, for some reason I cannot seem to do, I really think I may have adhd. maybe I’ll explore that later… !!)

Here’s to the beginning or perhaps middle of all that God had lead me towards/leading me into.

I am so scared you guys. But I’m just leaping in and saying “yes Lord” and I tear up because the Doris I knew for the past 4 years since my 2019 post wrestled to say this with confidence. I am no pastor, I am not a literate writer, I wasn’t born and raised Christian, nor did I read books as a hobby for fun (until I moved back to NYC – lots to update. maybe I’ll explore that as well later…. !). But this just seats me further into the seat of trust that this is beyond me.

Spirit, be kind. My flesh limits my soul. My soul, have grace and confidence for you are not in this alone. Father God, may I never forget why and how and for whom. I lift my time, the words, and whatever that’s to come to you. In Jesus name, Amen.

Written by: A person just thinking grapefuit.

1 Peter 3:12-22. Let’s be Honest

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

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In Peter 3:12-22, the bible talks twice about having a clear conscious. The first time it is mentioned in the chapter, it talks about sharing the gospel (evangelizing) with a clear conscious and it’s important because as Christians we should feel and be free from all the wrong we’ve done understanding that Jesus paid for it all. Jesus died for us to be free from our sins. I remember a friend telling me that if we truly repented for our sins and then we ask, God remember that time I did this, He would reply, “I don’t know what your talking about,” because it’s been cleared by Jesus. In vs. 21 (and the second time  it’s mentioned) it says, “Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ”. Dirt wasn’t removed from our outer images of who we represent ourselves as but from our hearts and mind. How beautiful is that.

And God clears us from these negative, energy sucking thoughts for us to be fully people of God and to work for his Kingdom in our full potential form. So let’s be honest, to ourselves and God, and work towards being forgiven, having a clear conscious, because that’s who God wants us to be, a clean vessel for his spirit and living water to flow through. Amen.

Father God, you want us to be your superheroes. You’ve cleansed us from the dirt we had stuck in our hearts so that we may be able to do good works through your spirit. Lol, in a way you’re willing to be a plumber for our hearts to clear out our dirtiness so we can be a well working house of God. Thank you, for Jesus Christ, thank you for allowing me to wake up today fresh and free of all the fear and anxiety that runs through my life and I pray that you’d provide that same peace to my brothers and sisters who are struggling right now. God protect my love and desire for you, protect my brothers and sisters for temptation is real and strong but Amen God for you are also real and stronger. I love you so much, I pray for this day that I’d live upon your words and not on bread alone. In Jesus name, Amen. 

1 Thessalonians 3 – “Loving One Another”

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

(I started reading 1 Thessalonians 3 and after reading a paragraph and a half’s worth, I with shock realized it was a short chapter and was thinking oh my gosh, it’s almost over and haven’t absorbed anything… I need to go back and re-read more slowly. I think at times it’s easy to read the bible while floating along, doing the motions, and the same goes with everyday life. Sometimes we don’t see how quick the end comes and unfortunately we can’t go back to re-do our life more slowly and meaningfully. Just thought I’d share before I start.)

12and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you,

Recently I’ve been feeling really bitter about this verse or anything that has to do with love one another. I often try to see the best in people and I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like to have bad relations with anyone and at times I wish God has given me a personality that was more indifferent when it comes to community. That person doesn’t like me? That’s okay we don’t all have to get along and be friends. But for me it’s hard to accept that because why not? Especially in the christian community, it’s painful to see a brothers and sisters not getting along or not trying. I realized no matter how different we are on the outside, we are still all children of God and our Father is our bond to one another; it’s the matter of willingness and effort to seek the heart and spirit within them to see the beauty that God sees in them.

Now I know what your thinking, someone may be thinking the same thing about you how you may not seem so loving and trying. I know, we’re all flawed and we have sin to blame and Jesus to celebrate but I guess it really hurts when people you thought were friends hurt you the same making you feel you guys never were in the first place. I guess I expected more when it came to Christians because we’re in a community where we strive to love or fight for one another.

At times I do feel lonely, I’m serving at the college ministry when I’m not a college student anymore and all my friends that I considered myself to be “chill” with have left the community or left their faith. I’m surrounded by underclassmen but even then feel secluded not being in their grade. After feeling unwanted a lot of thoughts come to mind, is it because I’m a bit larger? is it because I’m too loud or have no personality? What I mean by no personality is that I can’t really say I’m known for a specific thing than being all over the place. I’m a sensitive person behind the jokes and toughness I seem to show and like saying before, I wish I was more indifferent. But all these thoughts and feelings leave me resenting myself for who God made me to be.

Yesterday after spending a beautiful time worshiping and praying and being filled, I encountered another situation where I felt out-of-place and made me realize, wow, without God’s presence and living in the Holy Spirit, we are so easily prone to being affected and hurt and angry. While driving home, I dealt with those “lies” in my head that the flaw was with me, I’m the problem why I’m not loved. But the son No longer slaves came on and I ended up yelling freely in my car, “I AM SENSITIVE AND GOD LOVES ME FOR IT!” And as cheesy it may sound, my definition isn’t Doris – large, loud, no personality but it’s Doris – child of God and that enough to suffice my identity.

I know that there will be no day where we would bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy (Mean Girls ref. lol) until that day comes where we reunite with our Father in Heaven. But until that day comes I hope that we can all strive for our identity in Christ in trying to love one another because he loved us when we were undeserving. He calls us child when we’ve run away and rebelled, so with that same heart that is in us, lets love one another.

Father God, you are so great and so amazing to have sent your son, for us to be able to reconnect with you, to be able to receive your love and grace and to be made anew. Lord you have given us so much, let us be so proud to be your child and walk proudly with power knowing that you are with us wherever you go. Thank you for the personality you gave me and thank you for always loving me through my flaws and outbreaks. You are a mighty God and I love you so much. Let your spirit always suffice each and everyday. In Jesus name, Amen.