God

Joel 2:12-17 | Matthew 6:16-21. Your Heart

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(Following Devotions for Lent from Holy Bible: Mosaic from the YouVersion Bible app)

Joel 2:13
and rend your hearts and not your garments.”

Matthew 6:24
“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

The beginning of Joel, it’s revealed to me that our God is not just all Love, Peace, and gentleness; he is an “Awesome” God as in not our day to day lingo of awesome but the actual definition (extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear.) So great in power it can be considered fearful and yet God calls us in the midst of that to come to him, to change our hearts and not our garments. To not just look like we belong to him but for our heart and core to call to him. I just thought that verse was really powerful. We try to hard to look christian sometimes that we forget to check our hearts and see if what we have on the outside reflects our insides.

Second, in Matthew, God talks about fasting, giving, praying “in secret” and it’s all about doing it for yourself and not for others. Not only does it relate back to Joel 2:13 on doing it not to look like your christian on the outside but to do it in secret so that the and I think I realized why my Christian life was so hard. I was splitting my two worlds, Christian girl and Fashion girl, hence my two instagrams, two twitter accounts but ultimately I found peace when I got rid of one and decided that the fashion girl is supported with believing in Christ.

Father God thank you for allowing me to come to realize that you are a part of everything and that you make all things possible in my life. Thank you for bringing me peace, making me one in the same and allowing my heart to find peace. Lord I pray that I will not forget you are an awesome and mighty God that desires our hearts and that we’d hold our faith sacred so that we may not get lost in boasting but to do you will from a genuine source of love for you and not for our own glory. I love you God, In Jesus name, Amen.

John 20 ‘Peace be with you’

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Goooood Morning Jesus! (currently listening to ‘Pieces’ by Amanda Cook)

First thing Jesus says to his disciples is, “Peace be with you.” (v. 19 and v. 26)

It’s been a while since I’ve had a morning to myself to spend unrestricted time with him (mainly because I’m not working today and it’s not crucial for me to get anywhere). This morning, is such a good morning because I’m able to go to him first. Okay, honestly, second because I got distracted by my new iPhone this morning. But still being able to give him time this early feels good.

After reading this passage, I can hear God clearly say, “peace be with you,” this morning and every morning, and to start the day with peace… from all the ‘today’ that’s coming forth… is a great feeling.

Father God thank you for this beautiful morning where I’m able to find peace in you before I start my day. God I pray that today would be productive and that also you would heal my brother’s ankle and watch over it so that everything would go well. I love you God. Your joy gives me so much joy so I pray I keep seeking to satisfy your soul and do righteous things or even just rest in you to have you smile and call it good. In Jesus name, Amen.

Finding Approval in People.

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I think we all do it. We have that one person we like or have ‘favor’ towards and your searching your Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat to see if they liked it or saw it, somehow when they haven’t seem to have like it yet, you feel less about yourself.

Maybe it’s just me or the people around me but I find my sister, friends, and of course myself doing it and when you start to realize a pattern in that, you start to think why? What’s wrong with me? Do you not like my humor? Do you not like me? WHY DON’T YOU LIKE ME?!

We live in a world where we try to find people’s approval and it’s honestly going to get us nowhere. Why are we searching for our value and worth in a thumbs up of another person? Being Christian it’s really unhealthy to search for that source of completeness in oneself when we have a Father that calls us so precious and loves us so much with the power of a million thumbs up blasting at you every second. I pray for me and for those who struggle with this to really feel the vastness of His love 24/7, to understand that he’s always present, that our security would come from Him alone who is above all things, and we would be free from our bindings to a blue thumbs up.

Zephaniah 2

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Under Moab and Ammon, it seems they have insulted and made threats against God’s people so God replies by saying how he’ll leave the cities in ruins like Sodom and Gomorrah and the remnant of (his) people will plunder them; the survivors of (his) nation will inherit their land. (v.9)

10This is what they will get in return for their pride,
for insulting and mocking
the people of the LordAlmighty.
11The Lord will be awesome to them
when he destroys all the gods of the earth.
Distant nations will bow down to him,
all of them in their own lands.

When I read this section of this chapter I was so hyped. I’m sure there are people you’ve faced that mocked God and have maybe even thrown you off by using God’s name in vain. (I feel that way all the time when my brother says it). But God is the King of Justice and we are his precious children. He’s like a parent that will not stand up for people who mock his children, his family, his name and he’ll protects us, open up people’s eyes in away where they are terrified of him and see him in awe. God is so good and so great and the best part is is that he is by our side and he is Ours.

Father God, thank you for loving us and thank you for awing us as well in all the glory of who you are. I pray that your presence will be so near this week, that our spirits will be lifted knowing that you are besides us and loving us and protecting us from any injustice we face. God we lift our burdens to you knowing that you will keep them in your hands. Thank you for being ‘our’ God. In Jesus name, Amen. 

And I will call upon your name
and keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in your embrace
For I am yours and you are mine

-Oceans by Hillsong United

‘Spirit of Compassion’ Update

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So recently I’ve been praying a lot for my heart and my mom’s heart and I knew that God would work somehow but I never thought today would come so soon.

I began to speak of my day and of course being at church, it consisted of God, and as per usual conversation, she began to bring up her doubts about my participation in church and we slowly increased into an argument. For the past week, I’ve been doing well in being a more composed daughter in an argument thinking of God’s spirit and presence. I’m sure you’ve heard of the “I feel…” argument method where one expresses not the other’s faults (“you’re an idiot”) but rather begin with “I feel…(ex. unappreciated when you say certain things). Our argument usually goes in circles beginning with my mom from the repetition of the same argument statement that leads me to frustration from repeating the same answer and feeling misunderstood. But today she listened through and I think she understands that I understand how she feels; her nervousness of how her daughter may not have certain ends knotted. By the end of the conversation, maybe she was too tired, but I explained to her once more of the ‘I feel’ method and how it can tremendously help understand one another and she said, “I don’t think you even do that,” and I responded, “I’m trying.” She replied, “okay we’ll see.” Which is a YES in my definition. “I love you mom.” “I love you too, goodnight,” she said as she walked to her bedroom. Tears began to run down my face because how present is God. I’m just overwhelmed of how God truly works and that he cares. I really was hopeless and really thought, I’m going to be 35 by the time we start to begin to understand one another yet here we are today. I know it may not always be an uphill battle for change but at least it has begun.

Father God, wow you amaze me so much. Thank you Lord for working, and always being present. God thank you for surprising me with a gift sooner than I expected. Lord I pray that I would always lean on your love and spirit when times get rough and that you would guide my heart and my mother’s heart to THE HEART, your heart and slowly but surely heal us. Father you are so great and so amazing. I love you so much and I pray for your love to continue to Manifest this house. Protect my family , protect our hearts, and let us one day be able to find rest together in your spirit. In Jesus name, Amen.

Lamentation 5 – God Forsake His People?

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Jeremiah speaks of the state of God’s people how everything basically sucks and at the end writes,
v.19 – 22 You, Lord, reign forever;
your throne endures from generation to generation.
Why do you always forget us?
Why do you forsake us so long?
Restore us to yourself, Lord, that we may return;
renew our days as of old
unless you have utterly rejected us
and are angry with us beyond measure.
I remember Paster Ulysses speaking in apprenticeship training how our God is the same God throughout the bible and that he isn’t an angry God in the Old Testament and a loving, baby lamb holding God in the New Testament. So when I come to read things like “Why do you forsake us?” I would initially think, did Old Testament God forsake his people? But further thinking upon it, I think it’s natural for Jeremiah to think that God has forsaken them. That he left them in the rut to just rot away and have everything suck. Just as we think God has left us when times are rough.
When I think back to my first encounters with God, when I first came back to church in about two and half years ago, I remember being filled with bitterness and confusion. Why is my family going through this hard time? Why isn’t he fixing anything and why is he ‘letting’ this happen? Whenever I felt such bitterness, my family group leader (Jon Gong) would always say, “Doris, God is good.” Tears would run down my face because I wanted to except that fact so badly but the circumstances didn’t allow my heart to fully realize it.
God has never left my side and God’s timing is beyond our measure. So even now when I pray constantly for God to shed his light on my mom and see no change, I think to myself God, please HEAR my prayer because it feels like nothings happening. I come back to remind myself that God is working and it’s just a matter of MY faith and patience in Him.
Father God, you have been with me through everything, and I know you will always be with me through everything. So God, I pray, keep me strong, when waters get deep and my faith is tested, Lord let me be so strong in that you have faith in me. I think my faith is being tested everyday living in a household of non-believers but God, you are greater than my problems here in this temporary home. God you are able and you love is overly abundant so thank you so much for bringing me this far. Thank you for revealing your truths, pouring your grace and mercy, for carrying my burdens, and for lightening the weight on my heart by filling it with your spirit. God I pray for your strength to reside in me whenever my knees feel weak. Help me to be bold and so unafraid of this world. I love you, In Jesus name. Amen.

‘New York’ Me vs. ‘New Jersey’ Me

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While I was in college I lived my freshman year and sophomore year partying, having fun, going out at night sometimes even on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and by the end of each year, my group of secular friends got boring. The same old places, doing the same things, laughing about the same stuff and I asked myself, is this it? Feeling bad about not being skinner than the friend next to me, never getting the guy, being there to go through the motions of being excited and happy for my friends? Don’t get me wrong, I loved my friends; it was my heart that was the problem.

I then was invited to church by a friend and since that day, I was able to find the greatest joy, His light. This light and freedom that God provided was like no other I was hooked and decided to go on a journey with Him. My next two years of college I spent worshipping and praying to God; praying for my family, school, friends, and receiving His love in all of it, covering over my fears and insecurities. He opened my eyes to so many things and most of all that he promised to continue opening my eyes to things as I adventured through the highs and lows of life.

I moved back into New Jersey and the hardest thing was that the Doris from HighSchool came back and not the Doris from New York. The unchanged, lazy, ungrateful Doris that had life handed to her breakfast, lunch, and dinner with a bunch of side dishes. I now spend 4 days in New York with my church community and spend 3 days in New Jersey, how is it that my New York side doesn’t over triumph my New Jersey side?

So I looked up “What does the Bible say about ‘Putting the Past Behind’. And I’m sure it’s about sin and shame but now as I’m writing, New Jersey me is sinful me and shameful me living life through the patterns of this earth.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 

I am a new creation in Christ and maybe I haven’t lived as if I had been made new because I was lacking faith that God has made me new.

It doesn’t matter whether or not my family is Christian (which they’re not) but the point being, this world is going to be filled with situations where my faith comes to test, where I must stand strong with God by my side. Whether it’d be me fasting from media and only listening to Christian music or having a verse on my arm, I need to surround myself with Godly things or else I’ll be tempted by ALL THE FAMILIAR THINGS IN MY HOUSE to be familiar NJ Doris that has been living in this house alone for 9 years.

Prayer Request: If you’ve read through this I think I still need prayer from my community of brothers and sisters whoever you may be, pray for God’s protection over my heart, that this familiar house wouldn’t bring back familiar me and that I would focus on my faith that God has made me new.

Father God, what a turn of events you have given me by placing me back in the home before you saved me. It’s going to be hard I know, but I know that with you, the victory is already claimed so Jesus I pray that you would keep my hopes up and that your spirit would not only affect me but my family. I am not following you for my family God, I’m following you for us. Knowing that your glory and your joy is the light in my heart that brings me back to you and your love. God I pray keep me safe, protect me and my family from lies of this earth and tender our hearts for one another. Father help me to see your presence in all things that happen in this house knowing that you sovereign. I love you God, In Jesus name, Amen.

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

Daniel 1 – Our God Sovereigns

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I think I remember a service where this chapter was how kosher came and Daniel and three others didn’t want to eat food and wine provided by the king but vegetables. It’s interesting how God was able to skillfully sovereign and provide for Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah.

v.9 And God gave Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the chief of the eunuchs,

it doesn’t say the chiefs were feeling merciful but that GOD gave compassion and favor to the chiefs upon Daniel. God had shifted the chief’s hearts at the moment to listen to Daniel so that they may be able to honor God.

v.17 As for these four youths, God gave them learning and skill in all literature and wisdom, and Daniel had understanding in all visions and dreams.

God provided them with the wisdom that also made the king inquire them and not just “here’s wisdom”, wisdom and understanding “ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters that were in all his kingdom” (v.20).

Saturday night at the retreat, Pastor Peter Yoon said that “you’re never in the wrong place or wrong time when being used by God“. And Daniel 1 really comes to show that when God is working in you or through you he will supply and provide in marvelous ways that are 10x better than this world can offer.

Father God, you have our backs when doing your will, and you will always work things for our good so I pray that you would lift our faith in you even more so that we may be unafraid of honoring you knowing that you sovereign over all things. In Jesus name, Amen.

1 Thessalonians 4 – “Faith in the Second Coming”

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17Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.

This verse sounds beautiful and skeptical to me. Maybe it shows me how selfish I am for the desire to be with God with little faith I really have in the second coming. I realized lately that for me, its hard to fully disbelieve the evolution or fully believe the second coming where we would rise into to clouds and meet the Lord in the air. I would love to believe it because where better to be than with our Lord, especially during hard times the lyrics “I want to be where you are” screams from the heart. But to be Christian and to follow God means putting our faith not only on the things that we want to believe in like God’s love, faith, and grace towards us, but having faith in the Bible, the truth that it gives and trusting in God’s words and spirit.

Father God, I’m sorry that my heart is blinded to your truth. Father as you reveal to me more and more of your spirit and works that you do in me, guard my faith and open my heart to believe and wait for you coming. v. 7 “For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.” God you have called us for more than the flaws of our flesh and earthly desires. I put my faith in you and your word Lord and I know you will deliver us from evil one day but until that day come, let me be an active, hard-working servant waiting for the arrival of my master. All this is for your honor and glory and praise. In Jesus name, Amen.

And so I wait for you,
So I wait for you
I’m falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus your all this heart is living for. 

1 Thessalonians 3 – “Loving One Another”

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(I started reading 1 Thessalonians 3 and after reading a paragraph and a half’s worth, I with shock realized it was a short chapter and was thinking oh my gosh, it’s almost over and haven’t absorbed anything… I need to go back and re-read more slowly. I think at times it’s easy to read the bible while floating along, doing the motions, and the same goes with everyday life. Sometimes we don’t see how quick the end comes and unfortunately we can’t go back to re-do our life more slowly and meaningfully. Just thought I’d share before I start.)

12and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you,

Recently I’ve been feeling really bitter about this verse or anything that has to do with love one another. I often try to see the best in people and I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like to have bad relations with anyone and at times I wish God has given me a personality that was more indifferent when it comes to community. That person doesn’t like me? That’s okay we don’t all have to get along and be friends. But for me it’s hard to accept that because why not? Especially in the christian community, it’s painful to see a brothers and sisters not getting along or not trying. I realized no matter how different we are on the outside, we are still all children of God and our Father is our bond to one another; it’s the matter of willingness and effort to seek the heart and spirit within them to see the beauty that God sees in them.

Now I know what your thinking, someone may be thinking the same thing about you how you may not seem so loving and trying. I know, we’re all flawed and we have sin to blame and Jesus to celebrate but I guess it really hurts when people you thought were friends hurt you the same making you feel you guys never were in the first place. I guess I expected more when it came to Christians because we’re in a community where we strive to love or fight for one another.

At times I do feel lonely, I’m serving at the college ministry when I’m not a college student anymore and all my friends that I considered myself to be “chill” with have left the community or left their faith. I’m surrounded by underclassmen but even then feel secluded not being in their grade. After feeling unwanted a lot of thoughts come to mind, is it because I’m a bit larger? is it because I’m too loud or have no personality? What I mean by no personality is that I can’t really say I’m known for a specific thing than being all over the place. I’m a sensitive person behind the jokes and toughness I seem to show and like saying before, I wish I was more indifferent. But all these thoughts and feelings leave me resenting myself for who God made me to be.

Yesterday after spending a beautiful time worshiping and praying and being filled, I encountered another situation where I felt out-of-place and made me realize, wow, without God’s presence and living in the Holy Spirit, we are so easily prone to being affected and hurt and angry. While driving home, I dealt with those “lies” in my head that the flaw was with me, I’m the problem why I’m not loved. But the son No longer slaves came on and I ended up yelling freely in my car, “I AM SENSITIVE AND GOD LOVES ME FOR IT!” And as cheesy it may sound, my definition isn’t Doris – large, loud, no personality but it’s Doris – child of God and that enough to suffice my identity.

I know that there will be no day where we would bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy (Mean Girls ref. lol) until that day comes where we reunite with our Father in Heaven. But until that day comes I hope that we can all strive for our identity in Christ in trying to love one another because he loved us when we were undeserving. He calls us child when we’ve run away and rebelled, so with that same heart that is in us, lets love one another.

Father God, you are so great and so amazing to have sent your son, for us to be able to reconnect with you, to be able to receive your love and grace and to be made anew. Lord you have given us so much, let us be so proud to be your child and walk proudly with power knowing that you are with us wherever you go. Thank you for the personality you gave me and thank you for always loving me through my flaws and outbreaks. You are a mighty God and I love you so much. Let your spirit always suffice each and everyday. In Jesus name, Amen.