God is victorious

Post Retreat.

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

I’m surrounded by white walls.

****

“I DON’T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING.
I DON’T FEEL LIKE PRAYING,
I DON’T FEEL LIKE SINGING,
OR TRYING,

I’M TIRED.” – I pouted.

 

I could sense the spiritual battle. “Satan” or whatever anti-God spirit was winning – He had me at 50%.

And I was okay with letting him win.

I was doubtful. confused. angry. bitter. annoyed. and didn’t give a **** about how I wanted to treat people anymore. I wanted to just be me and not think about how “good” I’m being.

And while I thought of this in my head… I realized… he wanted me to feel doubtful. confused. angry. bitter. 

I was hurt and lost so I built up walls to protect myself, strand myself away from others. but unknowingly started to do it alone, without God and the walls I built surrounding me were black.

God said. Okay. You don’t have to pray. or sing. or do anything. 

I wanted to sit alone but not in anger but not out in the open. (Usually you ask to “break these chains,” or “break down these walls,” but I wanted to still be alone, protected, resting, and still not doing anything.

50/50 with letting go of one side, at peace with picking either.

On a whim, I asked. “could you make these walls yours?” And slowly I felt a melting sensation. This hexagonal room began to melt the black away leaving me sitting in a room with white walls.

Still alone.
But from above, shone sunlight and I was resting in the protection and light of God. He wasn’t besides me but above me waiting for me to be ready to have company, still protected by his love.

No, not a lot has changed. I still feel hurt and I still feel like being alone but whenever I do encounter others, I’m surrounded by white walls, knowing God is protecting me, encouraging healthy interactions, and strength to be me.

Mark 1. My Own Faith

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

“He called them at once, and they also followed him, leaving their father, Zebedee, in the boat with the hired men.”‭‭Mark‬ ‭1:20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I think I’m in the same process of leaving my dads job to follow what God has planned for me. Thinking about fashion and working in the industry just feels right and to follow God is sometimes leaving your father for a greater purpose. It’s less extreme that I’m not leaving and never seeing him again but I think in the same sense, I’m being selfish for God’s kingdom rather than working under my dad unhappily. I was encouraged to read this today. 

Another things stood out to me, Jesus was in the wilderness for forty day first before he started serving, healing, and gathering his disciples. I think it was a test to see if Jesus can be faithful with his own faith first before he served. In the same way I hope that I’ll test my own faith before serving.

God, thank you for this day. I pray over our church retreat and I pray that you’d be with us as we as a church fight for you spirit to sovereign over us. I pray that patience and a open, focused heart would be with me to receive your word and that I’d affirm my faith before serving others. Lord bless this weekend, I can’t wait. In Jesus name, Amen.

Genesis 37. Sh*t Happens

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

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Poor Joseph, hated by his brother’s by jealousy sold off into Egypt. I think in our Christian life, things don’t always go so smoothly either, we get into fights and feel bitterness towards our brothers and sisters, family and with our family in Christ. Excuse the roughness of this phrase but, “Sh*t Happens.”

But knowing the story of Joseph in the end, he was not only able to help his family but save Egypt from going hungry for 7 years. If Joseph had not gone through those things, he might have died of starvation with his family. Maybe now some of you are going through a bitter time where nothing around you seems to be going right and it feels as if God has neglected you but sometimes, rough times are necessary for a bigger purpose. So although it may be hard to see the light at the end of the road, pray for steadfastness and peace for God has already won victorious and will walk with you step by step to that victory.

God, sometimes life seems so unfair but I pray that you’d protect our hearts from feeling bitter towards others and towards you for you only want what’s best for us. I pray that you’d provide us with peace with the assurance that you are near us and that your closeness is only a call away. Provide strength in us to trust in you, to be filled by you, and to love you the way you love us. In Jesus name, Amen.