God is good

Isaiah 6. Who?

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

  “Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am. Send me.””‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭6:8‬ 

I always imagined God would be asking us directly when he wanted something done. Example: “Doris, go evangelize to her,” or, “will you do this for my kingdom?” But here it seems God doesn’t have a direct subject and asks “Who”? And Isaiah says, “here I am.” 

If we were in Isaiah’s shoes, would we have enough courage to say,”me Lord, I’m available for your kingdom, pick me!” or would we stay quiet like we’re in class, hoping someone else would respond, avoiding eye contact, and hoping that your name wouldn’t be called. Instead of hearing God calling you specifically, maybe he’s asking, “who will serve?” Are we willing to be fearless to step up and say “Here I am. Send me.”? 

Father God, here I am. I am afraid to enter this industry, to be judged but knowing that you are with me my fears subside. God you call me worthy and beautifully fearlessly made. Father plant in me courage and knowing that you are more powerful, help me to trust in you. Help me be unafraid to answer your calling and be able to say “here I am.” In Jesus name, Amen.

Blessings on Blessings on Blessing.

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Yesterday and today, God really blessed me with NYC parking. I know it sounds silly but I just wanted to share some joy 🙂

Yesterday (Thursday) I was trying to find parking around PCV/Stuy town area and usually there is NO parking space in the loops that go into PCV and on the first loop I found a clear open spot but unfortunately it was no parking on Friday 11am-2pm. I wanted to not worry about moving my car the next day so I left the spot and was driving along a sliver of parking spaces parallel of 1st ave and found another open spot right in front of my friends house. I was like okay God’s just giving me these free open spots, so I just took it out of respect even tho it was also and No Parking on Mon-Fri 11:30am-2pm.

Today I went to go move my car and I was getting nervous about finding a free parking spot and down one street I go. BOOM. Free parking spot so easily open to a nice parallel park. I honestly am so happy for the little things God does and I’m not trying to brag it in people’s faces but God is so good.

Mark 1. My Own Faith

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“He called them at once, and they also followed him, leaving their father, Zebedee, in the boat with the hired men.”‭‭Mark‬ ‭1:20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I think I’m in the same process of leaving my dads job to follow what God has planned for me. Thinking about fashion and working in the industry just feels right and to follow God is sometimes leaving your father for a greater purpose. It’s less extreme that I’m not leaving and never seeing him again but I think in the same sense, I’m being selfish for God’s kingdom rather than working under my dad unhappily. I was encouraged to read this today. 

Another things stood out to me, Jesus was in the wilderness for forty day first before he started serving, healing, and gathering his disciples. I think it was a test to see if Jesus can be faithful with his own faith first before he served. In the same way I hope that I’ll test my own faith before serving.

God, thank you for this day. I pray over our church retreat and I pray that you’d be with us as we as a church fight for you spirit to sovereign over us. I pray that patience and a open, focused heart would be with me to receive your word and that I’d affirm my faith before serving others. Lord bless this weekend, I can’t wait. In Jesus name, Amen.

Near the Broken-hearted

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“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and
saves the crushed in spirit.”‭‭Psalm‬ ‭34:18‬ ‭ESV‬

I think we hear l or we know in our minds that God is near but Reading it today, that he is near the broken-hearted ready to save is so renewing. He wants to give us comfort and hope and all simply altering calling to Him he provides his affections.

Lord I pray for the broken-hearted to sense your presence. Many times we feel as though we have been abandoned when trouble comes our way but remind us again that you are closer than ever when we are broken and crushed in spirit. I pray that it would encourage brothers and sisters to more willing to depend on your spirit. I love you lord, thank you for this morning, in Jesus name, Amen. 

Genesis 37. Sh*t Happens

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grumpy_cat_funny_pets

Poor Joseph, hated by his brother’s by jealousy sold off into Egypt. I think in our Christian life, things don’t always go so smoothly either, we get into fights and feel bitterness towards our brothers and sisters, family and with our family in Christ. Excuse the roughness of this phrase but, “Sh*t Happens.”

But knowing the story of Joseph in the end, he was not only able to help his family but save Egypt from going hungry for 7 years. If Joseph had not gone through those things, he might have died of starvation with his family. Maybe now some of you are going through a bitter time where nothing around you seems to be going right and it feels as if God has neglected you but sometimes, rough times are necessary for a bigger purpose. So although it may be hard to see the light at the end of the road, pray for steadfastness and peace for God has already won victorious and will walk with you step by step to that victory.

God, sometimes life seems so unfair but I pray that you’d protect our hearts from feeling bitter towards others and towards you for you only want what’s best for us. I pray that you’d provide us with peace with the assurance that you are near us and that your closeness is only a call away. Provide strength in us to trust in you, to be filled by you, and to love you the way you love us. In Jesus name, Amen. 

John 21. 153 fishes

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In the first passage, Simon Peter and other disciples go out at night for fishing, doesn’t catch anything, Jesus comes (disciples unaware it’s him) and tells them to throw it on the right, and after catching fish they eat together.

I remember my Pastor from High School (P.Matt) further explained this chapter by stress how tired and disappointed the disciples would have been after trying all night to catch fish and yet didn’t catch a single one. But Jesus simply asks them to throw it to the right and (with I’m sure with a lot of disbelief) they did it and caught 153 fishes. It’s amazing how following God is so simple and all set; like he’s basically giving you all the answers to ace the test. I think there are many times when I lack faith when Jesus asks me to do something and at those moments, I fail to obey because of fear and other things. I think it’s a matter of trust and willingness to follow God’s word and believing that he already has given you the answers to the test.

Also I found the scene where Peter jumps out of the boat finally realizing it’s Jesus and swimming to him so beautiful and amazing. He just caught so much fish after a whole night of not catching a single one but yet after he knows it’s Jesus, he doesn’t stay in the amazement of the fishes caught but ‘swims’ after Jesus to be with Him (I’m like picturing the videos when kid’s see they’re dad back from military service and just drops everything in their hands to go hug him).

I pray that when the moment comes to listen and obey God, that we would lack the moment to fear and have complete faith in Him knowing that he has everything in his hands and that even when the best comes to us, we would alway run back to God to thank him, glorify him, and to just be with the Father of peace that our hearts thirst for.

John 20 ‘Peace be with you’

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Goooood Morning Jesus! (currently listening to ‘Pieces’ by Amanda Cook)

First thing Jesus says to his disciples is, “Peace be with you.” (v. 19 and v. 26)

It’s been a while since I’ve had a morning to myself to spend unrestricted time with him (mainly because I’m not working today and it’s not crucial for me to get anywhere). This morning, is such a good morning because I’m able to go to him first. Okay, honestly, second because I got distracted by my new iPhone this morning. But still being able to give him time this early feels good.

After reading this passage, I can hear God clearly say, “peace be with you,” this morning and every morning, and to start the day with peace… from all the ‘today’ that’s coming forth… is a great feeling.

Father God thank you for this beautiful morning where I’m able to find peace in you before I start my day. God I pray that today would be productive and that also you would heal my brother’s ankle and watch over it so that everything would go well. I love you God. Your joy gives me so much joy so I pray I keep seeking to satisfy your soul and do righteous things or even just rest in you to have you smile and call it good. In Jesus name, Amen.

John 19 / Life

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I always get heavy hearted and teary while reading about Jesus’s Crucifixion. Sad fact though, I did not know they had three versions of Jesus’s death on Luke, John, and Matthew. Comes to show how little I know about the bible and how much I have yet to learn.

So I finished reading my book on style and I feel no different really. Maybe a little more energized to pursue things in life but with what purpose? I end up spiraling in questions (which is a good thing at times) about my intentions for investing my time into things like uploading a post or starting a project.

Recently I’ve been thinking about creating a blog, more than just think.grapefruit where I journal where I can share the things I do the work I enjoy doing but downside, it’ll eat up my time for doing the ‘important stuff’ like doing my QT or finding a job in fashion.

“There is no right way,” I told myself; for almost everything like reaching success and entering a career in the industry. But I’m sure with God, there is a righteous way where it would honor him rather than following my own signals to pursue a career thats only temporary.

My dad’s uncle on my grandmother’s side recently passed away. There he was laying in his coffin neatly placed, resting before me an empty vessel, leaving the world behind. So when I think of doing things, I always think… will this thing I do be seen in God’s eyes?

In the end and the answer I’m trying to avoid is, am I doing this for me or for other people or for God? And it’s a tricky answer because how is writing a blog (not on daily devotionals) for God? and it leads to questions like “Does everything in my life have to be devoted to God?”

I’m working now, at my dad’s newly opened store basically assistant manager taking care of the store, cashiering, moving clothes around, and a bunch of other small tasks, reporting big new back to my dad when he comes back from other errands. Now I have a paycheck coming in which I really didn’t think about because after paying for my tuition, it’s okay dad, you REALLY don’t have to but he does to show that work pays off. So now I have a weekly salary and I’ve been using it up like daddy’s little gold digger. Surprisingly today I was driving home and thought, does this mean I have to start putting money in the offering box on Sundays? But I’m still poor recent graduate without a steady income not really at my real job. Then the thought of Jesus’s Crucifixion came up, how he didn’t sacrifice an arm or leg for us but his whole self; how the poor (samaritans?) gave up everything yet the tax collector who had so much to spare gave up so sparingly. There my answer was pretty clear.

And going back to devoting everything in my life to God, I don’t think its an extreme case of making sure the water was approved before drinking it by God but knowing the foundations for the reasons I do things.

God didn’t create a blob like the million other blobs that live around me; he created a unique individual soul with gifts and talents that would glorify God and he loved it through all the mistakes he knew he or she was going to make. I am different than my brothers and sisters and I love dancing, illustrating, singing (not so well I’m told), designing, thinking, believing, trying new things and I think it’s something to celebrate because God put all those things in me to make up who I am. I’m still not sure how people can so confidently post on fb about God’s love for them on a picture that doesn’t reference the writing that goes with it and get a jillion likes but I I’m starting to think it all comes from the heart of loving who you are, that is, God’s most precious, loved child.

And yes, there are still times that God’s love amazes me to the point of doubting this perfect love all together, but in the end I’d rather look like a fool that found freedom from fear and worries than following what the world says is ‘cool’.

God, there’s never a day like today, right now, to worship you and to love you. No matter what situation and circumstance, whether I’m doing nothing or if I’m traveling to Italy on vacation, let me always think of you and all that you’ve done for me. My life is literally not my own, I don’t call the shots because I’m better off not calling the shots. God help me to be courageous in the things I do, the words I say, let me be wise but still true to myself in the way I speak and move so that I may not lose myself. God, this blog thing is all really tricky in my head but Lord I love all parts of me that want to express in a shape, form, moment, 2D, 3D and I want to be doing that in a way that still honors you. Help me to always give thanks for the mercy, grace and blessings you provide each day. Make me into a more thankful person and be able to smile at the gifts you’ve provided. And so, Lord I thank you for my family that supports me and for providing me with them and providing them with finances and joy. I thank you for this precious time where I’m able to elaborate my thoughts deeper with you and where I’m able to reconnect with my one Savior, my one place of freedom. Help me to refine myself and I pray for more of your heart in me. Thank you for the cross God, thank you for your word and always remind me of the love you give so freely. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Zechariah 5 – God’s Wrath

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In Zechariah 5, God sends two ‘visions’ to Zechariah. One of a flying scroll that curses the house of every thief and to anyone who swears falsely by God’s name, and another of a woman in a basket, which represented wickedness, to be brought back to Babylonia.
To be honest I was confused after rereading the passage, so after many summary readings, I started questioning Where does God’s wrath go?

Zechariah 5:4 The LordAlmighty declares, ‘I will send it out, and it will enter the house of the thief and the house of anyone who swears falsely by my name. It will remain in that house and destroy it completely, both its timbers and its stones.’ ”

The bible talks many time about God’s wrath, that God will uphold justice and destroy houses…and if our God is the same God through all of time, that God never changes than why do we only talk about his love? Thankfully I did some further researching and found this.

The wrath of God is His eternal detestation of all unrighteousness. It is the displeasure and indignation of Divine equity against evil. It is the holiness of God stirred into activity against sin.

(I remember discussing this during Apprenticeship training) God’s wrath isn’t towards the people who commit sin; his anger doesn’t go to the person but to the sin itself. I think about all the times I was bitter or held anger against someone for doing me wrong and I always thought, God why do you want me to love this person, UGH NO, I just don’t want to. And I realize now that it’s their sin that I should be bitter towards. God loves them and God wants to bring out the best of them for them but ‘they do not know what they’ve done’ because of the blindness from sin (And this is probably where Jesus comes into the picture to save us from God destroying sin by destroying us).

Wow does God have all the answers or does God have all the answers?

God, thank you for opening up my eyes today to see and understand a little more of you. Lord I pray that whenever people do me wrong and find it difficult to love and easier to find anger, that you would lead that anger toward sin and not the person themselves. I pray for more of your heart for my brothers and sisters and that I too would be jealous for your heart God so that I may be jealous for my brothers and sisters. God I thank you for your protection whenever I have big questions and thank you for Jesus because it all seems to go back to Him always. God you are so good, help me to share this goodness to the people around me and fill me with a desire to always seek your spirit. Overwhelm my soul Lord God everyday of your glory. I pray all these things in your sons name, Amen. 

‘Spirit of Compassion’ Update

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So recently I’ve been praying a lot for my heart and my mom’s heart and I knew that God would work somehow but I never thought today would come so soon.

I began to speak of my day and of course being at church, it consisted of God, and as per usual conversation, she began to bring up her doubts about my participation in church and we slowly increased into an argument. For the past week, I’ve been doing well in being a more composed daughter in an argument thinking of God’s spirit and presence. I’m sure you’ve heard of the “I feel…” argument method where one expresses not the other’s faults (“you’re an idiot”) but rather begin with “I feel…(ex. unappreciated when you say certain things). Our argument usually goes in circles beginning with my mom from the repetition of the same argument statement that leads me to frustration from repeating the same answer and feeling misunderstood. But today she listened through and I think she understands that I understand how she feels; her nervousness of how her daughter may not have certain ends knotted. By the end of the conversation, maybe she was too tired, but I explained to her once more of the ‘I feel’ method and how it can tremendously help understand one another and she said, “I don’t think you even do that,” and I responded, “I’m trying.” She replied, “okay we’ll see.” Which is a YES in my definition. “I love you mom.” “I love you too, goodnight,” she said as she walked to her bedroom. Tears began to run down my face because how present is God. I’m just overwhelmed of how God truly works and that he cares. I really was hopeless and really thought, I’m going to be 35 by the time we start to begin to understand one another yet here we are today. I know it may not always be an uphill battle for change but at least it has begun.

Father God, wow you amaze me so much. Thank you Lord for working, and always being present. God thank you for surprising me with a gift sooner than I expected. Lord I pray that I would always lean on your love and spirit when times get rough and that you would guide my heart and my mother’s heart to THE HEART, your heart and slowly but surely heal us. Father you are so great and so amazing. I love you so much and I pray for your love to continue to Manifest this house. Protect my family , protect our hearts, and let us one day be able to find rest together in your spirit. In Jesus name, Amen.