faith

Day 3.

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“They were not looking for what they wanted, or what was safe, but they were seeking the truth—and they found Him.” Aug 24, 2016 AMi QT Joanna Tzen.

God, right now, it’s all good because I don’t have any wants right now from this earth and frankly I don’t want safety because then what’s living? I am seeking truth, purpose and I found You. But what if when life is going well I start to want more and seek other things than you? Can I be humble in good circumstances to still glorify you? I pray for my heart and spirit, please, protect me. Lead me to your truths and I pray for this time, Lord thank you for loving me so much. In Jesus name. Amen

Mark 11. Believe

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“Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.”‭‭Mark‬ ‭11:22-23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I think sometimes we have little faith because so many times the things we prayed for in the past hasn’t been answered. Yes, sometimes God’s answer is no but maybe it has to do with how much we believe that he can move mountains. 

God, if I look deep down my heart, I think I have an anxiety that I will let myself down in finding a job but right now I’m asking, may this anxiety be lifted up and thrown into the sea. I have full faith in you and if there is a part of me that doesn’t that I’m unaware of, I pray that you’d help me forgive whatever is in my heart so I can be free in your spirit. You are my living, might God and nothing can separate your love for me. I love you. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Mark 5. Fearfully Miraculous God

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I think these are one of the most recognizable stories in the Bible and it’s so interesting how it can help your faith in little ways no matter how far you are spiritually.

Mark 5 really spoke on faith today. Sometimes God pulls miraculous things that are almost fearful to us and sometimes we lack the faith to believe he can revive a hopeless situation. I thought of my family while reading this and there was a time that I didn’t believe God can change my family but like in verse 34, ““Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over.” I am truly relying on God right now to work in my family and it’ll be a long patience practice but he will provide me with peace that he is a fearfully miraculous God. The women was bleeding for 12 years and maybe my family’s healing may take 12 or more years but I’m just going to keep believing in our victorious God that he will heal and for more steadfast faith in Him. 

Father God, thank you for this day where I am able to once again wake up to glorify your name. My life goes on as you call me worthy because of what you’ve done and Lord, my heart truly cries for you. I pray that I’d be protected from discouragements and that I’d look to your mighty hands when all seems to fail. Lord you are my strength and peace, literally and I would not be this sane without you so thank you for providing me with this freedom. I pray that I’d be led on your spirit and not my own thoughts and that you’d embrace me this week. In Jesus name. Amen.

Mark 2. Raise the Roof

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v. 3-4 And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay.

First, I think it’s so amazing that these four men were willing to carry the paralytic, and go through the trouble to remove the roof to come to Jesus. Are we willing to carry our brother or sister and remove the roof so that he or she may be healed/ for faith to be restored? But also it can reflect with our own faith, how hard are we trying to meet God? Metaphorically, did we see a crowd of people (something in the way) to getting to Jesus and give up or are we willing to remove the roof?

Father God, I pray for my heart and also for my brothers and sister, build us so that we may be proactive to seek you and our faith, that we’d be willing to remove the roof for ourselves and for our brothers and sisters to be made whole again. I pray for a powerful love over us, to fight for one another to seek your kingdom together. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Mark 1. My Own Faith

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“He called them at once, and they also followed him, leaving their father, Zebedee, in the boat with the hired men.”‭‭Mark‬ ‭1:20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I think I’m in the same process of leaving my dads job to follow what God has planned for me. Thinking about fashion and working in the industry just feels right and to follow God is sometimes leaving your father for a greater purpose. It’s less extreme that I’m not leaving and never seeing him again but I think in the same sense, I’m being selfish for God’s kingdom rather than working under my dad unhappily. I was encouraged to read this today. 

Another things stood out to me, Jesus was in the wilderness for forty day first before he started serving, healing, and gathering his disciples. I think it was a test to see if Jesus can be faithful with his own faith first before he served. In the same way I hope that I’ll test my own faith before serving.

God, thank you for this day. I pray over our church retreat and I pray that you’d be with us as we as a church fight for you spirit to sovereign over us. I pray that patience and a open, focused heart would be with me to receive your word and that I’d affirm my faith before serving others. Lord bless this weekend, I can’t wait. In Jesus name, Amen.

Joel 2:12-17 | Matthew 6:16-21. Your Heart

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(Following Devotions for Lent from Holy Bible: Mosaic from the YouVersion Bible app)

Joel 2:13
and rend your hearts and not your garments.”

Matthew 6:24
“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

The beginning of Joel, it’s revealed to me that our God is not just all Love, Peace, and gentleness; he is an “Awesome” God as in not our day to day lingo of awesome but the actual definition (extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear.) So great in power it can be considered fearful and yet God calls us in the midst of that to come to him, to change our hearts and not our garments. To not just look like we belong to him but for our heart and core to call to him. I just thought that verse was really powerful. We try to hard to look christian sometimes that we forget to check our hearts and see if what we have on the outside reflects our insides.

Second, in Matthew, God talks about fasting, giving, praying “in secret” and it’s all about doing it for yourself and not for others. Not only does it relate back to Joel 2:13 on doing it not to look like your christian on the outside but to do it in secret so that the and I think I realized why my Christian life was so hard. I was splitting my two worlds, Christian girl and Fashion girl, hence my two instagrams, two twitter accounts but ultimately I found peace when I got rid of one and decided that the fashion girl is supported with believing in Christ.

Father God thank you for allowing me to come to realize that you are a part of everything and that you make all things possible in my life. Thank you for bringing me peace, making me one in the same and allowing my heart to find peace. Lord I pray that I will not forget you are an awesome and mighty God that desires our hearts and that we’d hold our faith sacred so that we may not get lost in boasting but to do you will from a genuine source of love for you and not for our own glory. I love you God, In Jesus name, Amen.

Genesis 38. Story for the Broken

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heartbroken

Genesis – the beginning. And you think that the Bible would be a sparkly introduction to the Christian faith but it’s not.

The past few chapters that I read while doing Quiet Time/Bible Study, I realized all the sexual immorality involved and how messed up some of these stories are. Example, Genesis 38 with Judah and his daughter-in-law, his sons dying and for first time readers that don’t believe in the Christian faith might read this and be like… LOL What?

But I remember my Pastor at church talking about the Genealogy of Jesus and how a messy line it is with the conclusion that Christian faith is for the broken. I think a lot of people think that Christians are these happy perfect people living in a Christian bubble of hope and it’s almost becoming a weird thing in our liberal culture to follow religion. But I’m reminded again in this chapter that this faith is not for the perfects and the well-offs but for people who are not perfect and the bible (from the beginning) reflects that.

Father God, no matter how things may seem “okay” at times, this world is broken and I’m not trying to rebuke myself for feeling joy because that’s what you want for us but I just thank you for doing something so beautiful for the broken and imperfects. God you have so much mercy and love over us and I thank you for this day that you’ve given and to be able to face it with you. I pray that you’d soften the hearts of anyone who has any misconceptions on your truth and that you’d be able be even more alive in this generation. Protect us to not fall into temptations of this world reminding ourselves that we belong to you alone. I love you. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Lamentation 5 – God Forsake His People?

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Jeremiah speaks of the state of God’s people how everything basically sucks and at the end writes,
v.19 – 22 You, Lord, reign forever;
your throne endures from generation to generation.
Why do you always forget us?
Why do you forsake us so long?
Restore us to yourself, Lord, that we may return;
renew our days as of old
unless you have utterly rejected us
and are angry with us beyond measure.
I remember Paster Ulysses speaking in apprenticeship training how our God is the same God throughout the bible and that he isn’t an angry God in the Old Testament and a loving, baby lamb holding God in the New Testament. So when I come to read things like “Why do you forsake us?” I would initially think, did Old Testament God forsake his people? But further thinking upon it, I think it’s natural for Jeremiah to think that God has forsaken them. That he left them in the rut to just rot away and have everything suck. Just as we think God has left us when times are rough.
When I think back to my first encounters with God, when I first came back to church in about two and half years ago, I remember being filled with bitterness and confusion. Why is my family going through this hard time? Why isn’t he fixing anything and why is he ‘letting’ this happen? Whenever I felt such bitterness, my family group leader (Jon Gong) would always say, “Doris, God is good.” Tears would run down my face because I wanted to except that fact so badly but the circumstances didn’t allow my heart to fully realize it.
God has never left my side and God’s timing is beyond our measure. So even now when I pray constantly for God to shed his light on my mom and see no change, I think to myself God, please HEAR my prayer because it feels like nothings happening. I come back to remind myself that God is working and it’s just a matter of MY faith and patience in Him.
Father God, you have been with me through everything, and I know you will always be with me through everything. So God, I pray, keep me strong, when waters get deep and my faith is tested, Lord let me be so strong in that you have faith in me. I think my faith is being tested everyday living in a household of non-believers but God, you are greater than my problems here in this temporary home. God you are able and you love is overly abundant so thank you so much for bringing me this far. Thank you for revealing your truths, pouring your grace and mercy, for carrying my burdens, and for lightening the weight on my heart by filling it with your spirit. God I pray for your strength to reside in me whenever my knees feel weak. Help me to be bold and so unafraid of this world. I love you, In Jesus name. Amen.

1 Thessalonians 4 – “Faith in the Second Coming”

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17Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.

This verse sounds beautiful and skeptical to me. Maybe it shows me how selfish I am for the desire to be with God with little faith I really have in the second coming. I realized lately that for me, its hard to fully disbelieve the evolution or fully believe the second coming where we would rise into to clouds and meet the Lord in the air. I would love to believe it because where better to be than with our Lord, especially during hard times the lyrics “I want to be where you are” screams from the heart. But to be Christian and to follow God means putting our faith not only on the things that we want to believe in like God’s love, faith, and grace towards us, but having faith in the Bible, the truth that it gives and trusting in God’s words and spirit.

Father God, I’m sorry that my heart is blinded to your truth. Father as you reveal to me more and more of your spirit and works that you do in me, guard my faith and open my heart to believe and wait for you coming. v. 7 “For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.” God you have called us for more than the flaws of our flesh and earthly desires. I put my faith in you and your word Lord and I know you will deliver us from evil one day but until that day come, let me be an active, hard-working servant waiting for the arrival of my master. All this is for your honor and glory and praise. In Jesus name, Amen.

And so I wait for you,
So I wait for you
I’m falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus your all this heart is living for. 

Matthew 26 – Falling

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It’s the beginning of the climax. The last supper, Judas’s betrayal, Peter’s denial; it all makes me sad how these men who were Jesus’s disciples, his right hand men would turn their backs on him. How lonely Jesus must have felt to knowing they would fail him. I remember years ago, I picked up my phone at the last ring and the friend, thinking that I didn’t pick up, starting speaking poorly of me while I listened on the other end. At that moment my faith in my friends vanished; who where these people I called friends? I wonder if Jesus felt anger and disappointment but just stayed calm because it was his father’s will to cover our sins. I also wonder if in my life I’ll ever deny or betray Jesus as Peter or Judas did. As of now, I have no problem sharing my faith and not feeling ‘not cool’ when I tell my friends I can’t make it to their hangout because I have church events. But if America was under the conditions in other countries where personal beliefs weren’t allowed and the penalty was death would I still believe? Would I declare my faith moments before my coming death?

41Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Father God, this passage revealed to me how easy it is to fall into temptation and failure. You were living among your disciples and your presence was right there yet they fell. Lord help me and build me so that my flesh would also be willing to shout your name and declare that you are my King. I pray that you would deliver me from evil and temptation, that you would have a strong hold on my heart, protect it and guard it. Thank you for allowing me to have freedom in believing you and being able to freely share about your kingdom and glory. I love you, In Jesus name, Amen.