Christ

God’s version of Love.

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

Jesus knows that happy circumstances, safety, and pleasure bring only fleeting joy.  Eternal joy and eternal life cannot be found in such things. -AMI QT

I’m being questioned time and time again on God’s love; that it’s not the love we’re used to seeing surrounded by romantic dramas. I just want to proclaim my whole hearted love for him not because he can bring me blessings and good things, because it clearly states that following Jesus isn’t a easy path. I find myself sometimes thinking that my future is secure and happy if I love God but forget that it’s only through Jesus that it’s so. It’s going to be hard and difficult fighting against what the world says is beautiful, successful, or right. But through God, with him, I can rejoice in his joy.

God. I want to love you, not because of what I think you’ll give me or because I think you’ll love me in a way that’s my version of love. I want to love you and follow you because you are king and that’s the truth. Because you sent your son to die for my sins, so that I can have eternally life with you through all my flaws and because I want to build your kingdom. My heart breaks when I forget this truth, and I’m sure yours does too. Help me not to forget. Help me to live and breath your word, in your truth, love, and freedom. I love you God. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. 

 

Day 3.

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

“They were not looking for what they wanted, or what was safe, but they were seeking the truth—and they found Him.” Aug 24, 2016 AMi QT Joanna Tzen.

God, right now, it’s all good because I don’t have any wants right now from this earth and frankly I don’t want safety because then what’s living? I am seeking truth, purpose and I found You. But what if when life is going well I start to want more and seek other things than you? Can I be humble in good circumstances to still glorify you? I pray for my heart and spirit, please, protect me. Lead me to your truths and I pray for this time, Lord thank you for loving me so much. In Jesus name. Amen

Joel 2:12-17 | Matthew 6:16-21. Your Heart

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

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(Following Devotions for Lent from Holy Bible: Mosaic from the YouVersion Bible app)

Joel 2:13
and rend your hearts and not your garments.”

Matthew 6:24
“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

The beginning of Joel, it’s revealed to me that our God is not just all Love, Peace, and gentleness; he is an “Awesome” God as in not our day to day lingo of awesome but the actual definition (extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear.) So great in power it can be considered fearful and yet God calls us in the midst of that to come to him, to change our hearts and not our garments. To not just look like we belong to him but for our heart and core to call to him. I just thought that verse was really powerful. We try to hard to look christian sometimes that we forget to check our hearts and see if what we have on the outside reflects our insides.

Second, in Matthew, God talks about fasting, giving, praying “in secret” and it’s all about doing it for yourself and not for others. Not only does it relate back to Joel 2:13 on doing it not to look like your christian on the outside but to do it in secret so that the and I think I realized why my Christian life was so hard. I was splitting my two worlds, Christian girl and Fashion girl, hence my two instagrams, two twitter accounts but ultimately I found peace when I got rid of one and decided that the fashion girl is supported with believing in Christ.

Father God thank you for allowing me to come to realize that you are a part of everything and that you make all things possible in my life. Thank you for bringing me peace, making me one in the same and allowing my heart to find peace. Lord I pray that I will not forget you are an awesome and mighty God that desires our hearts and that we’d hold our faith sacred so that we may not get lost in boasting but to do you will from a genuine source of love for you and not for our own glory. I love you God, In Jesus name, Amen.

Romans 6

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So recently I’ve read Romans 5 & 6 and I’m sure I read it before or maybe small verses at a time but can I just say Romans is amazing (just wanted to get that out there).

Romans 6 takes you through the process of Jesus’s death and I never really thought of my baptism process from the crucifixion to rising from the grave.

v4. We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

With Christ, I died and was buried and raised from death in order to have this new life. Really meditating on that process is a transformation, and all so that I, someone who will still make mistakes again is given this new life and that God will continue to love and accept me with all my flaws… it really makes a person want to strive after his kingdom even more.

God time and time again I question the greatness of your love. Not what it is but why it is. Why is it so big and so abundant? Why do you love us when we are really not worth all the trouble to send your son so die for us all so that we can live a new life. Well either way, thank you God for loving us and giving us a chance to seek after your eternal kingdom. I pray for courage that I may be spiritually steadfast and unafraid to declare that you are my King, that I am a spiritual person and be unafraid of the judgement of this world. Thank you for this morning and I pray for me to seek this new life everyday. In Jesus name, Amen. 

‘Spirit of Compassion’ Update

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So recently I’ve been praying a lot for my heart and my mom’s heart and I knew that God would work somehow but I never thought today would come so soon.

I began to speak of my day and of course being at church, it consisted of God, and as per usual conversation, she began to bring up her doubts about my participation in church and we slowly increased into an argument. For the past week, I’ve been doing well in being a more composed daughter in an argument thinking of God’s spirit and presence. I’m sure you’ve heard of the “I feel…” argument method where one expresses not the other’s faults (“you’re an idiot”) but rather begin with “I feel…(ex. unappreciated when you say certain things). Our argument usually goes in circles beginning with my mom from the repetition of the same argument statement that leads me to frustration from repeating the same answer and feeling misunderstood. But today she listened through and I think she understands that I understand how she feels; her nervousness of how her daughter may not have certain ends knotted. By the end of the conversation, maybe she was too tired, but I explained to her once more of the ‘I feel’ method and how it can tremendously help understand one another and she said, “I don’t think you even do that,” and I responded, “I’m trying.” She replied, “okay we’ll see.” Which is a YES in my definition. “I love you mom.” “I love you too, goodnight,” she said as she walked to her bedroom. Tears began to run down my face because how present is God. I’m just overwhelmed of how God truly works and that he cares. I really was hopeless and really thought, I’m going to be 35 by the time we start to begin to understand one another yet here we are today. I know it may not always be an uphill battle for change but at least it has begun.

Father God, wow you amaze me so much. Thank you Lord for working, and always being present. God thank you for surprising me with a gift sooner than I expected. Lord I pray that I would always lean on your love and spirit when times get rough and that you would guide my heart and my mother’s heart to THE HEART, your heart and slowly but surely heal us. Father you are so great and so amazing. I love you so much and I pray for your love to continue to Manifest this house. Protect my family , protect our hearts, and let us one day be able to find rest together in your spirit. In Jesus name, Amen.

Daniel 9 – God’s Mercy

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v.18 O my God, incline your ear and hear. Open your eyes and see our desolations, and the city that is called by your name. For we do not present our pleas before you because of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy.

Because of God’s mercy, we are able to present our “pleas” to him.
I think we’re all familiar with the phrase, “prayer is usually for us because God already knows.” Through prayer we are able to confess our sins, and be made anew, but only because of his mercy are we able to do any of it.

I’m not sure about everyone else but for me, I first learned about God’s grace before God’s mercy; that His grace is abundant and through His grace I am where I am. But when I rephrase it as “I am here through His grace and mercy” I start to think of all the sin in my life; how he gave me mercy when I deserved punishment. It’s not likely that people want to think of all the bad things that they have done but in this case, I think thinking of God’s mercy for us shows us how much more love he has for us. He can be the Father who gets mad and grounds us, not allowing us to experience joy in life but he shows mercy so that we experience everything else he has for us. God love us so much.

Father God, thank you for having mercy on us so that we may be able to communicate to you, to simply be able to speak to you and receive your heart. Thank you for having new mercy’s for me everyday. I pray that I would have the same heart for new mercies onto people who have done wrong and forgive as you did for me. Lord I pray that you would create an urgency to be with you, to meet with you everyday and that I may run my day on the love that you gave me. Lord help me to spend time with you slowly and I pray that you would continue to rest your spirit of patience upon me. Thank you Lord for your sacrifice, remind me of this as I try to do the same for you with all that I have. I love you God, In Jesus name, Amen.

I know I still make mistakes
But you have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails.

DL

Current Life Update

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So it’s been 4 months since I’ve graduated and I’m still at home not working but serving the college ministry and tending to my family’s need. No matter how embarrassing it may sound to some people, I’m updating so I can do something about it and really try and motivate myself to move and get things going. I’ve think I’ve over welcomed my leisurely stay at home and spend way to long munching on food while watching tv shows and making excuses to spend time with my siblings.

So this month is dedicated to me working on the things I have to get done to get things going. I’ve been saying I’ll start up August, then September and September literally just flew by and I really want to find a job before the year is up so that I may be able to encounter new things God has in store for me in the industry.

Father God, my heart is so big for you kingdom and just serving in the ministry and being inactive in this gift that you gave me to create, Lord let me not be afraid and walk as a warrior to face the contradictions in the culture of this industry and do works to be able to give back to the church and your people. Father I pray for a heart in me that is motivated and I need you back to be my coach pushing me through not only my spiritual life but blessings that you’ve given me on earth. Fill me with your spirit of Power and Self-Control and all things love to always fuel me. I love you God, we can do this! In Jesus name, Amen.

For those reading, please pray for my motivation as well! Thank you!

Matthew 27 – God’s Gifting and Working

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The Crucifixion.
Many people had tested God that day by saying,“You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself! If you are the Son of God, come down from the cross.” I would feel so suffocated in this situation holding in the truth to cover all man’s sins even the ones before me. They even sent a guard to guard the tombstone for three days to test to see what he had said was true.

From this passage it makes me think of all the times I’ve “tested” God before by asking Him, “God if you really exist, please _______ right now.”  And the blanks would be filled by ‘fix my family’, ‘heal his bitter heart’, ‘stop the rain’ without having faith and seeing that God has a bigger picture for us than just right now. God was already moving and is always moving in us and for us to ask of him to work right now is pretty selfish. He has been working with the beginning by placing the big bright sun in the sky that starts our day, through sending Jesus to cover us so that we may have the privilege to have this precious relationship with God now and forever.

50And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit. 51And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. 52The tombs also were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised,53and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many. 54When the centurion and those who were with him, keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and what took place, they were filled with awe and said, “Truly this was the Son of God!”

Father God, it seems sometimes that we take your love for granted. This precious gift that you gave to us shouldn’t be reminded only by reading Matthew 27 but in all chapters everyday. Everything we have wouldn’t be without you and I thank you so much for sending your only son Jesus to die for us so that we may be forgiven even today to question your existence and works. God you love us so much, I’m sorry for all the times I was afraid. Search my heart and fill it with your Spirit God and help me to use this gift you gave to walk in courage and serve your kingdom. I love you God, In your son’s most precious name, Amen. 

Planning the New Hampshire Trip / Father’s Heart

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My parents have a tendency to not officially announce events or vacations until the week or day before.  For instance, I could have had a sleepover planned with a friend Saturday night, and my dad would call around 6pm and would say,”going to grandma’s birthday tonight, get ready.” Now over the years, they’ve definitely improved notifying me and my siblings about such plans and events ahead of schedule but this year was another year.
Most vacations my dad would be the one taking care of all the planning with the hotels, attractions, and time of when to depart but unfortunately, he was unable to make it because of his business and the responsibility fell on me knowing that my mom (who isn’t fluent in english) would have a long stressful struggle trying to figure things out.
2 days. They gave me two days notice to plan a trip to New Hampshire, and because I was busy the first day from previous plans, I only had Sunday to research and plan what to do because I didn’t really know what New Hampshire was about.
To be honest, I didn’t want to go, I wanted to stay home, rest, sleep, get some reading in and not spend money and time into going on a vacation so hastily with the responsibility of the enjoyment of the whole trip on me. It wasn’t even a family vacation because my dad was busy and my sister was in band camp for that week. But understanding my mom’s heart which wanted me and mostly my brother to experience different settings around the world, I reluctantly set my heart to planning a short vacation for me, my mom, and my brother.
The night before, I spent all night researching top attractions, their hours and prices, the locations, and a hotel that would be somewhat close to the ones I thought would be best. Finally around 5am, the day of the trip, I booked the hotel for that day and slept for 6 hours. I woke up had breakfast and went to wake up my brother.
Getting my brother out of his bed is the hardest thing to do because my couch potato brother can change his mind on an instant notice. All he would want to do is to stay home and play games on his laptop and makes up lame excuses to not go anywhere. “I don’t want to go cut my hair because you woke me up in a pissed mood”, “I don’t care about her concert, I just don’t want to go.” And I’ve done pretty well in trying to convince him to go out every time he tried stay home this summer, but that morning I didn’t want to hear it with my lack of sleep.
With my most loving-est, gentle-est sister voice, I tried to wake him up to get ready to go and he said, “I’m not going.”  My heart dropped and I didn’t even have energy to persuade him with a different attitude. “Come on, don’t do this,” I said exhausted. And he said no once more.
Something inside me snapped, the old me without patience for my younger brother came back, and the ugly came out. “HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?! I SPENT ALL NIGHT! ALL NIGHT! RESEARCHING THIS FAMILY TRIP SO THAT WE CAN HAVE A GOOD TIME!” A whole other sentences came out from disappointment, stress, exhaustion, frustration along with pillow whacking and wrestling his defences. I ran to my room and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I laid in bed sobbing and praying in distress knowing that today was the day of the trip and would also have to pack to drive 6 hours into NH.  Why God, why did you give me such a difficult brother, why did you make me first child, why is this family so broken? I spent all night researching, planning, for this trip that I didn’t even want to go to, and I have to deal with this? How could he say no? But in that moment I felt and understood some of God’s heart for me.
He must feel the way I feel when I say no to his plans for me. My Father who has this perfect plan for me, probably spent a lot more time then the night before to make sure things fall into place so that I may be able to experience whatever he has in store for me. But the moment I hesitate and turn away, if he had my heart, I’m sure he’d throw a tantrum as well but instead of whacking me with pillows he’d strike a lot more painful and furious things at me that I can’t imagine what would be anything but terrifying. Then I thought, Wow, what a Beautiful God we have to have given us Jesus to take our sins and his wrath upon him so that he may be able to show us grace and redeem us to make us whole.

We ended up going after my mom settled my brother’s heart, and had a spontaneous and fun time relaxing, hiking, and seeing awe-ing mountain tops. But the preparation for this trip would be the one thing I would never forget.

Father, thankyou. For so many things. For this imperfect family, for this opportunity to come to understand a bit of your heart for me and your children, for sending Jesus to die for our sins. Lord how can you have such a kind heart towards me, how can you hold yourself together when so many times I’ve turned away from you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I have failed in the past and will fail yet again once more but I pray Lord won’t your spirit of love overwhelm me to always bring me back to you. I have faith that you will always bring me back to your truth, your love and grace, your mercy and might, strength and peace. Put in me a spirit that desires to seek more of your heart, words, and truth. King Jesus, let me live my life to glorify your precious name high because you are everlasting. Let me not be tempted by this world and its patterns. I love you and I pray all these things in your son’s name, Amen.

Grace, You’ve shown me grace
You’ve lifted my shame
Drawn me with loving kindness
Washed whiter than snow
You have redeemed and made me whole

– You Have Won me by Bethel Music

Sin “Cavity”

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I’m sure many has had this image before or heard of the metaphor to ‘rid of the cavity’. But I’ll just share.
So this past week, not exactly sure when, (past Sunday?) I had this vision of a tooth and it was centered with a deep cavity and this cavity was our sin. But God came and made it new, cleaned out the cavity and it was now a clean hole in the tooth but instead of filling it with Filling, worldly possessions (“trash”) was filling up the hole.
It had me questioning my heart, “am I currently doing this? Filling this space that God cleaned out with my things?”

Father, I pray that I would have a heart so willing for you to fill me with your Love, Glory, and Purity. I know that if I fill it with my own things, I will feel pain again so God help me not to be tempted and let me focus on your spirit and love. In Jesus name, Amen.