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2019 Me

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

WOWOW. It’s been a hot minute, or rather two years and 4 months since I’ve written anything on this platform. Does anyone still follow this account?? if so, hello.

In the time that passed since my last post, I’ve stopped posting publicly about all my thoughts and feelings, just as someone might not upload every conversation they had with a friend or family member, I’ve turned to a more “private” person. Prayers and realizations unless I’m urged with the spirit to share are kept between me and God.

God has been nonetheless good. I look back to April 2017 when I was working at a 9-5 job in a cubicle and now where I still struggle with my many aspirations and so much has changed. My confidence in the worth I have for me from God, and seeing God move, work, speak has been magnified.

From OTR, AMI women’s conference, Experiencing God, to many failures and disappointments, as well as fasts, and playing bass on Worship Team all while working at sketch events has been… so filling. God has never left my side and he doesn’t plan on leaving soon.

Dear future Doris in 2 years I’m guessing, when you look back to 2019, I hope you’re filled with awe once more for our God. I can’t imagine who I’ll be in 2021 and how much more firmly I’ll be grounded in my faith and my identity but I’m sure God has been Good through it all. He’s brought me this far and he doesn’t owe me another step yet I’m overwhelmed by his affection for me right now. I feel so watched over, I feel so guided and advised away from things that’ll slow down all the gifts he has given me and propelled towards love, life, and freedom. Like I could yell Jesus is Lord from my gut, that’s the kind of Love that I’ve been living and breathing in. Hopefully you are not in that room still… but if you are.. it’s okay, 2019 Doris still loves you for it.

It’s less proving my worth, so it’s not likely that I’ll be back anytime soon… but you’ll see me again when I feel ever so urged by the spirit to share and encourage because my cup has been so filled and I need to share the living water overflow.

Until then, I wish for grace and empowerment.

I Quit.

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

financial-checklist-before-quitting-your-job
Feb 6. 2016
I Quit my Job.

Okay not quit today but I told my dad today that I want to stop working in his store and it’s with a heavy heart but I needed to opt-out because I felt stuck.

It first started off as simply helping the family but for the past few weeks I was in a cycle of saying that I’m going to get work done (for my fashion career) and never getting anything done as I’d hoped and feeling discouraged and disappointed. I love my family and I love helping them but being here isn’t where I can fully help them and help myself and I realized after I said that I would quit that it was the right decision. I no longer feel like I’m in limbo but on a deadline to find a job now that I am no longer financially supported by my family. Honestly I’ve lived such a privileged life; life has been handed to me, my car, my tuition and it’s at a point where I know I can’t grow to be a fully responsible adult if I don’t take matter into my own hands. I need to struggle for my own life and stop being so afraid to face adult life/job life.

My Pastor once spoke about finding out God’s will and how we’ll feel right while doing work for his glory and something about where I was didn’t feel right. When I think about my journey in fashion, something about it, although I know I’m going to struggle through bumps and face sooo many challenges, feels right. I think it’s where God’s going to reveal himself to and where I can grow with full potential and I’m so excited to start it.

One thing that threw me off was the fact that my mom didn’t have faith in me after I told her I quit. I don’t want to face my career trying to prove a point to my mom but I can’t help but feel sad that she sees her regrets and mistakes as a parent when she sees me. But here’s to so many changes in life but facing them all with God.

God, first thankyou for this day where I was able to break the pressure of being a daughter to my parents and allowing me to be selfish for my career in the most loving way. You have provided me with so much already and I can feel that you’re ready to provide me with so much more as I face this career that you’ve lead me to. Thank you for having faith in me and thank you for my family group that also has so much faith in me. I pray that you’d provide hope for my mom and reveal to her a new light and truth on life. I have faith in you and your timing God that she will one day see the joy in hoping and striving for more in life through the struggles that we face. Protect me and help me to use this lent season for your glory and to be pushed beyond my limits. God I’m just so overwhelmed by your grace and love and all that you’ve done for me to be here at this point at peace. I love you God and I pray that you’d bless this season to be full of wisdom and patience but also proactiveness in your kingdom. In Jesus name, Amen.