Mark 2. Raise the Roof

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v. 3-4 And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay.

First, I think it’s so amazing that these four men were willing to carry the paralytic, and go through the trouble to remove the roof to come to Jesus. Are we willing to carry our brother or sister and remove the roof so that he or she may be healed/ for faith to be restored? But also it can reflect with our own faith, how hard are we trying to meet God? Metaphorically, did we see a crowd of people (something in the way) to getting to Jesus and give up or are we willing to remove the roof?

Father God, I pray for my heart and also for my brothers and sister, build us so that we may be proactive to seek you and our faith, that we’d be willing to remove the roof for ourselves and for our brothers and sisters to be made whole again. I pray for a powerful love over us, to fight for one another to seek your kingdom together. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Retreat. Renewed Relations

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This weekend was extra long.

It started with leaving NJ Wednesday night for a sister’s surprise birthday, staying over at another sister’s place, family group Thursday night, retreat from Friday till Sunday, and also helped by driving worship equipment to and from retreat, but overall was really blessing.

Relationship in Christ

I walked into the retreat with the intention of spending a good time worshipping and thanking God for all he’s done. When it came to the last night during prayer, I didn’t know exactly what to pray because everything was going so well and I knew there were small things that could be fixed here and there but didn’t know where to start. So I went up to receive prayer from Pastor Chris from GCC and the first thing he said was that he saw suspicious eyes. Then he furthered into his prayer by saying that I needed healing from people and that he hopes that I would see that God’s compassion flows through people. He thanked God for my heart that wants his glory and me having a bigger heart for God and closed.

First, I think it’s so interesting that through prayer, the person praying for you sometimes know whether or not you are in a good state or bad state in faith with God. You’d think that automatically, Christians would pray over the bad and hurt in their lives thinking they need help over faith but I post this prayer not to raise my glory or show off how good I’m doing in faith but to reveal how awesome it is that God’s spirit knows and speaks truth.

But back to the first portion of the prayer, when he said suspicious eyes, it struck me. Although I feel stable in faith, I realized I see my community fearfully as judgemental people. I have suspicious eyes that they have suspicious eyes about me, and I think it goes back to my first church experience in high school where I felt judged by the girls which is also probably the reason why my natural instinct is to get along with guys. I really want to develop a deeper connection with my sisters and be able to trust them more freely without the feeling that fear of judgement. 

Speaking of guys, or “brothers”, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind. I was nervous entering retreat thinking I’d be too hyped on people in general that I’d lose focus on being there for God. It was a blessing to be driving to the retreat with my sister Shawna who inspired me to find a guy that would have me not find comfort in him (who would eventually fail) but in God who would never fail. But with the fact that I feel that I’ve invested my time more on brothers than sisters, I realized how it wasn’t helping with developing my sisterhood. So by the end of retreat, I felt assured that one day it’ll come to a time where a man will step up to make a covenant with me, but until then I should focus on preparing myself to know myself, who I am with God, so that when the time comes, I can also lead my husband to God before me.

God thank you for this retreat and I think I felt lethargic towards finding you yesterday because I fell into the sadness of reality and not being able to spend time with only you and your people. But I thank you for speaking truth through Pastor Chris and Shawna about my relationships with my brothers and sisters. I pray for a heart that trust in my sisters and seeks a deeper connection while we encourage each other. I pray that my heart would seek you first but also encourage brothers to be men of God so that one day they may be able to comfort a sister to you in the future. I pray for strength and motivation this week for my brothers and sisters and Remnant Church as we proactively seek to be whole in you. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Mark 1. My Own Faith

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“He called them at once, and they also followed him, leaving their father, Zebedee, in the boat with the hired men.”‭‭Mark‬ ‭1:20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I think I’m in the same process of leaving my dads job to follow what God has planned for me. Thinking about fashion and working in the industry just feels right and to follow God is sometimes leaving your father for a greater purpose. It’s less extreme that I’m not leaving and never seeing him again but I think in the same sense, I’m being selfish for God’s kingdom rather than working under my dad unhappily. I was encouraged to read this today. 

Another things stood out to me, Jesus was in the wilderness for forty day first before he started serving, healing, and gathering his disciples. I think it was a test to see if Jesus can be faithful with his own faith first before he served. In the same way I hope that I’ll test my own faith before serving.

God, thank you for this day. I pray over our church retreat and I pray that you’d be with us as we as a church fight for you spirit to sovereign over us. I pray that patience and a open, focused heart would be with me to receive your word and that I’d affirm my faith before serving others. Lord bless this weekend, I can’t wait. In Jesus name, Amen.

Near the Broken-hearted

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“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and
saves the crushed in spirit.”‭‭Psalm‬ ‭34:18‬ ‭ESV‬

I think we hear l or we know in our minds that God is near but Reading it today, that he is near the broken-hearted ready to save is so renewing. He wants to give us comfort and hope and all simply altering calling to Him he provides his affections.

Lord I pray for the broken-hearted to sense your presence. Many times we feel as though we have been abandoned when trouble comes our way but remind us again that you are closer than ever when we are broken and crushed in spirit. I pray that it would encourage brothers and sisters to more willing to depend on your spirit. I love you lord, thank you for this morning, in Jesus name, Amen. 

Joel 2:12-17 | Matthew 6:16-21. Your Heart

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(Following Devotions for Lent from Holy Bible: Mosaic from the YouVersion Bible app)

Joel 2:13
and rend your hearts and not your garments.”

Matthew 6:24
“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

The beginning of Joel, it’s revealed to me that our God is not just all Love, Peace, and gentleness; he is an “Awesome” God as in not our day to day lingo of awesome but the actual definition (extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear.) So great in power it can be considered fearful and yet God calls us in the midst of that to come to him, to change our hearts and not our garments. To not just look like we belong to him but for our heart and core to call to him. I just thought that verse was really powerful. We try to hard to look christian sometimes that we forget to check our hearts and see if what we have on the outside reflects our insides.

Second, in Matthew, God talks about fasting, giving, praying “in secret” and it’s all about doing it for yourself and not for others. Not only does it relate back to Joel 2:13 on doing it not to look like your christian on the outside but to do it in secret so that the and I think I realized why my Christian life was so hard. I was splitting my two worlds, Christian girl and Fashion girl, hence my two instagrams, two twitter accounts but ultimately I found peace when I got rid of one and decided that the fashion girl is supported with believing in Christ.

Father God thank you for allowing me to come to realize that you are a part of everything and that you make all things possible in my life. Thank you for bringing me peace, making me one in the same and allowing my heart to find peace. Lord I pray that I will not forget you are an awesome and mighty God that desires our hearts and that we’d hold our faith sacred so that we may not get lost in boasting but to do you will from a genuine source of love for you and not for our own glory. I love you God, In Jesus name, Amen.

I Quit.

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financial-checklist-before-quitting-your-job
Feb 6. 2016
I Quit my Job.

Okay not quit today but I told my dad today that I want to stop working in his store and it’s with a heavy heart but I needed to opt-out because I felt stuck.

It first started off as simply helping the family but for the past few weeks I was in a cycle of saying that I’m going to get work done (for my fashion career) and never getting anything done as I’d hoped and feeling discouraged and disappointed. I love my family and I love helping them but being here isn’t where I can fully help them and help myself and I realized after I said that I would quit that it was the right decision. I no longer feel like I’m in limbo but on a deadline to find a job now that I am no longer financially supported by my family. Honestly I’ve lived such a privileged life; life has been handed to me, my car, my tuition and it’s at a point where I know I can’t grow to be a fully responsible adult if I don’t take matter into my own hands. I need to struggle for my own life and stop being so afraid to face adult life/job life.

My Pastor once spoke about finding out God’s will and how we’ll feel right while doing work for his glory and something about where I was didn’t feel right. When I think about my journey in fashion, something about it, although I know I’m going to struggle through bumps and face sooo many challenges, feels right. I think it’s where God’s going to reveal himself to and where I can grow with full potential and I’m so excited to start it.

One thing that threw me off was the fact that my mom didn’t have faith in me after I told her I quit. I don’t want to face my career trying to prove a point to my mom but I can’t help but feel sad that she sees her regrets and mistakes as a parent when she sees me. But here’s to so many changes in life but facing them all with God.

God, first thankyou for this day where I was able to break the pressure of being a daughter to my parents and allowing me to be selfish for my career in the most loving way. You have provided me with so much already and I can feel that you’re ready to provide me with so much more as I face this career that you’ve lead me to. Thank you for having faith in me and thank you for my family group that also has so much faith in me. I pray that you’d provide hope for my mom and reveal to her a new light and truth on life. I have faith in you and your timing God that she will one day see the joy in hoping and striving for more in life through the struggles that we face. Protect me and help me to use this lent season for your glory and to be pushed beyond my limits. God I’m just so overwhelmed by your grace and love and all that you’ve done for me to be here at this point at peace. I love you God and I pray that you’d bless this season to be full of wisdom and patience but also proactiveness in your kingdom. In Jesus name, Amen.  

 

 

Genesis 38. Story for the Broken

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heartbroken

Genesis – the beginning. And you think that the Bible would be a sparkly introduction to the Christian faith but it’s not.

The past few chapters that I read while doing Quiet Time/Bible Study, I realized all the sexual immorality involved and how messed up some of these stories are. Example, Genesis 38 with Judah and his daughter-in-law, his sons dying and for first time readers that don’t believe in the Christian faith might read this and be like… LOL What?

But I remember my Pastor at church talking about the Genealogy of Jesus and how a messy line it is with the conclusion that Christian faith is for the broken. I think a lot of people think that Christians are these happy perfect people living in a Christian bubble of hope and it’s almost becoming a weird thing in our liberal culture to follow religion. But I’m reminded again in this chapter that this faith is not for the perfects and the well-offs but for people who are not perfect and the bible (from the beginning) reflects that.

Father God, no matter how things may seem “okay” at times, this world is broken and I’m not trying to rebuke myself for feeling joy because that’s what you want for us but I just thank you for doing something so beautiful for the broken and imperfects. God you have so much mercy and love over us and I thank you for this day that you’ve given and to be able to face it with you. I pray that you’d soften the hearts of anyone who has any misconceptions on your truth and that you’d be able be even more alive in this generation. Protect us to not fall into temptations of this world reminding ourselves that we belong to you alone. I love you. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Genesis 37. Sh*t Happens

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grumpy_cat_funny_pets

Poor Joseph, hated by his brother’s by jealousy sold off into Egypt. I think in our Christian life, things don’t always go so smoothly either, we get into fights and feel bitterness towards our brothers and sisters, family and with our family in Christ. Excuse the roughness of this phrase but, “Sh*t Happens.”

But knowing the story of Joseph in the end, he was not only able to help his family but save Egypt from going hungry for 7 years. If Joseph had not gone through those things, he might have died of starvation with his family. Maybe now some of you are going through a bitter time where nothing around you seems to be going right and it feels as if God has neglected you but sometimes, rough times are necessary for a bigger purpose. So although it may be hard to see the light at the end of the road, pray for steadfastness and peace for God has already won victorious and will walk with you step by step to that victory.

God, sometimes life seems so unfair but I pray that you’d protect our hearts from feeling bitter towards others and towards you for you only want what’s best for us. I pray that you’d provide us with peace with the assurance that you are near us and that your closeness is only a call away. Provide strength in us to trust in you, to be filled by you, and to love you the way you love us. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Genesis 29. For Love

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Wow. I felt like I just read a k-drama.

Jacob finds Rachel whom he finds attractive, works hard 7 years under her father Laban to  later be deceived and ended up with Leah, Rachel’s older sister. Eventually marries Rachel but God sees how Leah is ‘less loved’ so he leaves Rachel barren and allows Leah to bear sons.

The chapter ends a bit abruptly not allowing me to know the full story of what happens after but I found Jacob’s attitude of serving 7 years amazing and also cute

v.20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.

I guess when you truly love someone or something, working 7 years may seem like nothing to you, such as working to bring your career to the top or provide for you family, and I think this can parallel our attitude for serving God. Do we love God so much that we will serve him 7 years (+) and will seem like a few days? Is serving God today feel like a chore or like only a few days have passed? I’m happy to say that if God were to call me to missions for 7 years I’d gladly go. And maybe I can say that because I don’t really feel like there’s a direction in my life but recently I’ve been unattaching myself to things that won’t last and/or starting hobbies knowing that they are temporary happiness that God gave time as gifts so I all I can do is pray for protection.

God thank you for this day, this week of being able to let go of junk and unnecessary things in my life and the times of reflection to know that the things that are in my life can be easily taken away. Dependency wasn’t a word I wanted to accept while following you but thank you for letting my heart trust you and allowing me to find peace with my faith. I pray for protection that temptation wouldn’t lead me away and I pray that in the future, I’d remind myself once more that this world has only temporary satisfaction. I love you God. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Rejoice Always

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“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I woke up today feeling so so as in chill enough to go through the motions of everyday mornings, not excited but not annoyed. But maybe I’m taking this day for granted. This day is a gift like the days that came before and today I’m awake aware that God had given me this day to “be” and that if my heart is willing to, that I might have more faith in him that he’ll reveal to me simple joy with the things around me and also with the simple fact that God has blessed this day. 

God today’s another day and just thinking and knowing about your presence besides me give me hope and strength for this day to be to glorify you. Thank you for reminding me to spend time with you this morning and I pray that my spirit would be strong in willing to spend time with you tomorrow and the week to Come as well. I pray over my sleep that I’ll be able to rest easy and that you’d continue to protect me and my family. In Jesus name, Amen.