Life Status Update. March 18, 2016

~ DL ~ Leave a comment

So before this week, I was searching for jobs, working on resume and my website hoping to land an interview in the next month BUT. This past Tuesday night, I was riding my sister’s hover board outside and fell because the batteries died and the board came to a complete stop while I was going like 10-mph. I launched forward, landing on my hands and knees and rolled over… tumbled to the left and laid there catching my breath. Long story short, my left knee doesn’t bend so well and I might have a meniscus tear and might need surgery but I won’t know for sure unless I get an MRI. My bones are fine but the doctor suggested I should have a week to see it out because MRI’s don’t pay themselves $$$.

Through all of this I feel like my life’s been placed on hold. My motivation to find a job died because what if this is serious and I can’t walk for another 6 months after the surgery? I’m like a useless blob wandering around the house on my crutches or on my wheel-y chair eating and doing whatever I want. But through all of this, I think I’m most nervous about my faith. The first few days I prayed that he would heal me but what will I do now that I might not even be able to go into the city to meet up with the ministry I’m serving? Have I lost faith that God has this under control?

I’m typing this now because I want my thoughts of spending time with God not to be a passing thought but a solid thought. And seeing what friends through the years do with their lives on Facebook and Snapchat makes me rethink what I’m doing with life. Not about career but my morals, the way I view this world; living a life abiding in God or partially abided in God (and what I mean by that is if I’m living in his spirit or taking “living in the spirit” as a guideline for a morally righteous life).

But as I write this now, I’m continually feeling this tugging sensation to pray. That not all hope is lost, that just because I can’t be with my brothers and sisters in person, doesn’t mean that I can’t do anything. So cheers to praying (and hopefully for longer than one worship song.)

Father God, be with me as a pray and fight spiritual battles with you through prayer. Help me have stamina and worship you reminding myself of your truth. In Jesus name. Amen Oh! and thank you for this time. Amen. 

Mark 11. Believe

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“Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.”‭‭Mark‬ ‭11:22-23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I think sometimes we have little faith because so many times the things we prayed for in the past hasn’t been answered. Yes, sometimes God’s answer is no but maybe it has to do with how much we believe that he can move mountains. 

God, if I look deep down my heart, I think I have an anxiety that I will let myself down in finding a job but right now I’m asking, may this anxiety be lifted up and thrown into the sea. I have full faith in you and if there is a part of me that doesn’t that I’m unaware of, I pray that you’d help me forgive whatever is in my heart so I can be free in your spirit. You are my living, might God and nothing can separate your love for me. I love you. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Isaiah 6. Who?

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  “Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am. Send me.””‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭6:8‬ 

I always imagined God would be asking us directly when he wanted something done. Example: “Doris, go evangelize to her,” or, “will you do this for my kingdom?” But here it seems God doesn’t have a direct subject and asks “Who”? And Isaiah says, “here I am.” 

If we were in Isaiah’s shoes, would we have enough courage to say,”me Lord, I’m available for your kingdom, pick me!” or would we stay quiet like we’re in class, hoping someone else would respond, avoiding eye contact, and hoping that your name wouldn’t be called. Instead of hearing God calling you specifically, maybe he’s asking, “who will serve?” Are we willing to be fearless to step up and say “Here I am. Send me.”? 

Father God, here I am. I am afraid to enter this industry, to be judged but knowing that you are with me my fears subside. God you call me worthy and beautifully fearlessly made. Father plant in me courage and knowing that you are more powerful, help me to trust in you. Help me be unafraid to answer your calling and be able to say “here I am.” In Jesus name, Amen.

Blessings on Blessings on Blessing.

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Yesterday and today, God really blessed me with NYC parking. I know it sounds silly but I just wanted to share some joy 🙂

Yesterday (Thursday) I was trying to find parking around PCV/Stuy town area and usually there is NO parking space in the loops that go into PCV and on the first loop I found a clear open spot but unfortunately it was no parking on Friday 11am-2pm. I wanted to not worry about moving my car the next day so I left the spot and was driving along a sliver of parking spaces parallel of 1st ave and found another open spot right in front of my friends house. I was like okay God’s just giving me these free open spots, so I just took it out of respect even tho it was also and No Parking on Mon-Fri 11:30am-2pm.

Today I went to go move my car and I was getting nervous about finding a free parking spot and down one street I go. BOOM. Free parking spot so easily open to a nice parallel park. I honestly am so happy for the little things God does and I’m not trying to brag it in people’s faces but God is so good.

Mark 5. Fearfully Miraculous God

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I think these are one of the most recognizable stories in the Bible and it’s so interesting how it can help your faith in little ways no matter how far you are spiritually.

Mark 5 really spoke on faith today. Sometimes God pulls miraculous things that are almost fearful to us and sometimes we lack the faith to believe he can revive a hopeless situation. I thought of my family while reading this and there was a time that I didn’t believe God can change my family but like in verse 34, ““Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over.” I am truly relying on God right now to work in my family and it’ll be a long patience practice but he will provide me with peace that he is a fearfully miraculous God. The women was bleeding for 12 years and maybe my family’s healing may take 12 or more years but I’m just going to keep believing in our victorious God that he will heal and for more steadfast faith in Him. 

Father God, thank you for this day where I am able to once again wake up to glorify your name. My life goes on as you call me worthy because of what you’ve done and Lord, my heart truly cries for you. I pray that I’d be protected from discouragements and that I’d look to your mighty hands when all seems to fail. Lord you are my strength and peace, literally and I would not be this sane without you so thank you for providing me with this freedom. I pray that I’d be led on your spirit and not my own thoughts and that you’d embrace me this week. In Jesus name. Amen.

*One Week Break

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Matthew‬ ‭6:18‬ ‭ESV

“that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”‭‭‬

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:6, 18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
I haven’t posted the past two days because Thursday night during college ministry’s Encounter Christian Fellowship, I felt a little dry and unable to pray… And I wasn’t sure why that was but I wanted something to change. As much as I love using WordPress to type out everything and have the ability to archive it, I’m going to try just “quietly” appreciating and receiving God’s word. 

We’ll see what happens but until then… ✌

1 Peter 3:12-22. Let’s be Honest

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In Peter 3:12-22, the bible talks twice about having a clear conscious. The first time it is mentioned in the chapter, it talks about sharing the gospel (evangelizing) with a clear conscious and it’s important because as Christians we should feel and be free from all the wrong we’ve done understanding that Jesus paid for it all. Jesus died for us to be free from our sins. I remember a friend telling me that if we truly repented for our sins and then we ask, God remember that time I did this, He would reply, “I don’t know what your talking about,” because it’s been cleared by Jesus. In vs. 21 (and the second time  it’s mentioned) it says, “Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ”. Dirt wasn’t removed from our outer images of who we represent ourselves as but from our hearts and mind. How beautiful is that.

And God clears us from these negative, energy sucking thoughts for us to be fully people of God and to work for his Kingdom in our full potential form. So let’s be honest, to ourselves and God, and work towards being forgiven, having a clear conscious, because that’s who God wants us to be, a clean vessel for his spirit and living water to flow through. Amen.

Father God, you want us to be your superheroes. You’ve cleansed us from the dirt we had stuck in our hearts so that we may be able to do good works through your spirit. Lol, in a way you’re willing to be a plumber for our hearts to clear out our dirtiness so we can be a well working house of God. Thank you, for Jesus Christ, thank you for allowing me to wake up today fresh and free of all the fear and anxiety that runs through my life and I pray that you’d provide that same peace to my brothers and sisters who are struggling right now. God protect my love and desire for you, protect my brothers and sisters for temptation is real and strong but Amen God for you are also real and stronger. I love you so much, I pray for this day that I’d live upon your words and not on bread alone. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Genesis 2:4-25 / Genesis 3. God desires Us

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virtual-hands-could-help-improve-the-lives-of-stroke-victims

Oy Oy Here we Go.

Genesis 2:7
then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.

This verse struck me to come to an understanding that without God, we’re just a bag of bones, a body without spirit and I thought it was beautiful to think that life was breathed into us.

Genesis 2:15-17
The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”

Genesis 3:10-11
And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?”

This is such a heavy topic to me, the source of our relationship with God. God created the earth and sky and called it good. He filled it with animals of the sea, land, and sky and called them good. Then he created man to watch over and take care of all that he created. It leaves a lot of people, including myself, asking, why God? Why create imperfect beings, with a tree that would lead to separation with you?

God created us with free will because without it, what would be the point? What better are we then than rocks that do whatever we’re told. God gave us a spirit and he wanted us to desire Him without him making us desire him.

Temptation is a scary thing, because it takes one second longer of a thought that can lead to something else. Temptation promises us of satisfaction now but that’s not what we really need. We need a satisfaction that lasts forever and we think we can find it in so many things but it fails us and takes a piece of uswith it. It honestly comes to our God who is everlasting. So life is a struggle thanks to our own desire to seek things that satisfy us, but God wants to give us peace, God wants to provide and make us whole again.

Are we seeking for things that satisfy our desires and curiosities that God said specifically not to go near? It’s a hard question because it’s denying ourselves and in this generation where individualism and independence is encouraged, it’s hard to rethink how we were raised, but as a 22 year old who wasn’t born into a christian family, being in church fighting for my faith for almost 3 years, I’m already starting to see how much more God has to offer for my heart than this world.

God thank you for the courage to bring me back to this difficult devotional where I struggled to seek your truth. God your truth is that you want us to be whole, and we were whole when we were with you in that garden. We drove us apart and yet you’ve seem to still want us and by sending your son, you found a way back to our hearts. God I pray for the brothers and sisters that have not seen how much you can give. I pray that they’d be unblinded into seeing what is true and that you’d loosen them from temptation’s grip. This world is so shiny, like a juicy apple asking us for a taste, but God let our heart and mind focus on depending on the perfect source of love for our souls and protect us from things that stumble our faith. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Deuteronomy 8:3 / Psalms 51:17. Soul Food

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3 And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.

Living by not bread alone but by God’s word… HUH? Does God’s words even have carbs, protein, fat (I guess the bible, made of paper, has fiber…). The truth is we probably consume more food than our body actually needs to survive; like flamin hot cheetos, does our body need it to live, no. But before this bible study becomes a consumption research paper, the bible does feed us for us to live. By putting aside our everyday substance intake and replacing it with God’s word can be challenging at first but God’s food is soul food. It feeds our spirit, giving it the metaphorical nutrients it needs to be whole.

I think personally, I would say that food is a basic balancer in my life, something to do so I can take a break from work or spend leisure time not thinking about work but feeding my body because “I need it to survive.” As of now I’m “fasting” watching netflix while doing work or eating and I say fasting with quotes because I haven’t been committed to it. But instead, I think a real challenge would to not eat junk food. I love my daily carbs and eating man-made food is part of my everyday, everyday. So I’m going to think and pray hard but I think I will end up fasting man-made food as my fast.

God I think I know your word is necessary to live, to be made whole, but without bread but with your word alone? I’m not so sure. I pray that you’d give me encouragement, that I’d meditate on your word to start fasting something, denying myself, to grow closer to you. In Jesus name, Amen.

Psalm 51. Broken Hearts Wanted

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17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

During this lent season, we’re giving up (fasting) one thing to give up to God and it may seem like a healthy spiritual thing to do to not get too attached to this world. But what God truly desires is our heart in this. A heart that desires change, a heart that acknowledges its brokenness and heart that desires God’s spirit. I pray that we wouldn’t be so caught up in giving a thing up because we have to but because we know that through it, God can fill us in that area with more of his presence.