So before this week, I was searching for jobs, working on resume and my website hoping to land an interview in the next month BUT. This past Tuesday night, I was riding my sister’s hover board outside and fell because the batteries died and the board came to a complete stop while I was going like 10-mph. I launched forward, landing on my hands and knees and rolled over… tumbled to the left and laid there catching my breath. Long story short, my left knee doesn’t bend so well and I might have a meniscus tear and might need surgery but I won’t know for sure unless I get an MRI. My bones are fine but the doctor suggested I should have a week to see it out because MRI’s don’t pay themselves $$$.

Through all of this I feel like my life’s been placed on hold. My motivation to find a job died because what if this is serious and I can’t walk for another 6 months after the surgery? I’m like a useless blob wandering around the house on my crutches or on my wheel-y chair eating and doing whatever I want. But through all of this, I think I’m most nervous about my faith. The first few days I prayed that he would heal me but what will I do now that I might not even be able to go into the city to meet up with the ministry I’m serving? Have I lost faith that God has this under control?

I’m typing this now because I want my thoughts of spending time with God not to be a passing thought but a solid thought. And seeing what friends through the years do with their lives on Facebook and Snapchat makes me rethink what I’m doing with life. Not about career but my morals, the way I view this world; living a life abiding in God or partially abided in God (and what I mean by that is if I’m living in his spirit or taking “living in the spirit” as a guideline for a morally righteous life).

But as I write this now, I’m continually feeling this tugging sensation to pray. That not all hope is lost, that just because I can’t be with my brothers and sisters in person, doesn’t mean that I can’t do anything. So cheers to praying (and hopefully for longer than one worship song.)

Father God, be with me as a pray and fight spiritual battles with you through prayer. Help me have stamina and worship you reminding myself of your truth. In Jesus name. Amen Oh! and thank you for this time. Amen. 

Matthew‬ ‭6:18‬ ‭ESV

“that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”‭‭‬

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:6, 18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
I haven’t posted the past two days because Thursday night during college ministry’s Encounter Christian Fellowship, I felt a little dry and unable to pray… And I wasn’t sure why that was but I wanted something to change. As much as I love using WordPress to type out everything and have the ability to archive it, I’m going to try just “quietly” appreciating and receiving God’s word. 

We’ll see what happens but until then… ✌

Wow. I felt like I just read a k-drama.

Jacob finds Rachel whom he finds attractive, works hard 7 years under her father Laban to  later be deceived and ended up with Leah, Rachel’s older sister. Eventually marries Rachel but God sees how Leah is ‘less loved’ so he leaves Rachel barren and allows Leah to bear sons.

The chapter ends a bit abruptly not allowing me to know the full story of what happens after but I found Jacob’s attitude of serving 7 years amazing and also cute

v.20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.

I guess when you truly love someone or something, working 7 years may seem like nothing to you, such as working to bring your career to the top or provide for you family, and I think this can parallel our attitude for serving God. Do we love God so much that we will serve him 7 years (+) and will seem like a few days? Is serving God today feel like a chore or like only a few days have passed? I’m happy to say that if God were to call me to missions for 7 years I’d gladly go. And maybe I can say that because I don’t really feel like there’s a direction in my life but recently I’ve been unattaching myself to things that won’t last and/or starting hobbies knowing that they are temporary happiness that God gave time as gifts so I all I can do is pray for protection.

God thank you for this day, this week of being able to let go of junk and unnecessary things in my life and the times of reflection to know that the things that are in my life can be easily taken away. Dependency wasn’t a word I wanted to accept while following you but thank you for letting my heart trust you and allowing me to find peace with my faith. I pray for protection that temptation wouldn’t lead me away and I pray that in the future, I’d remind myself once more that this world has only temporary satisfaction. I love you God. In Jesus name, Amen. 

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I woke up today feeling so so as in chill enough to go through the motions of everyday mornings, not excited but not annoyed. But maybe I’m taking this day for granted. This day is a gift like the days that came before and today I’m awake aware that God had given me this day to “be” and that if my heart is willing to, that I might have more faith in him that he’ll reveal to me simple joy with the things around me and also with the simple fact that God has blessed this day. 

God today’s another day and just thinking and knowing about your presence besides me give me hope and strength for this day to be to glorify you. Thank you for reminding me to spend time with you this morning and I pray that my spirit would be strong in willing to spend time with you tomorrow and the week to Come as well. I pray over my sleep that I’ll be able to rest easy and that you’d continue to protect me and my family. In Jesus name, Amen.

I’m feeling better today. I think yesterday I was going through some moods but today even though it’s like any other work day I’m feeling more of God and felt a desire to talk to him and spend time with his word.

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”

‭‭3 John‬ ‭1:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We struggle and get discouraged but God sees us in his truth and finds joy. Even if we are going through a tough time with our faith or wrestling, he’s just happy that we are struggling through this in his waters. And to know that he’s happy that his child is walking with him, makes me pretty happy that my King is smiling at me, that he sees me and finds joy. 

God, thank you for helping clear my mind last night and for this morning to be here. I pray that you’d be with me in my thoughts and help me to be desicive and not all over the place. I want to be at peace while I work to move onward towards your kingdom. And although I’m finding out now that there are many ways I can help build your kingdom, help me to discern what is righteous in your eyes by reading and filling myself with your truth. I pray for protection over my family and I pray for an open tender healed heart ready to give and receive your love. In Jesus name, Amen.

hmm. Well I haven’t been doing QT’s regularly but I have been thinking about God here and there and sometimes I see him working in little ways.

I guess it’s weird for me because I am usually hardcore all in or all out with my faith but right now it’s interesting because I think I found a middle. I realized though, that I haven’t been praying as often but when I do I’m usually feel pretty close with God and I think that’s why I’m feeling spiritually okay. I think I didn’t understand the balance of having a heart for God yet living in this world without looking at every move I make “bad” in the eyes of God because it goes along the lines of “pursuing this world”. But I realized that’s not a mindset to have, to condemn things in life but to see them as gifts. It’s a weird transition but I’m oddly content with this newfound middle where I don’t have to always be on fire for God. It’s a different fire, like how little things of thinking of God’s love makes me smile, or how I naturally think that all good things are from God. All in all I think I’m just enjoying that he’s part of my day to days and the only thing I question is, “is it wrong to not feel on fire and not to have ambition to hype myself on God’s fire?”.

I’m sure with the college ministry’s semester starting up again I’ll start to be more heavily involved with prayer and testing faith but I’m happy to say that I didn’t go down a rabbit hole for the first time without the constant support of my church meeting up 4x a week. I’m happy to know that during this “winter break” season I was able to finish daily tasks, meet up with friends, enjoy time with my siblings, work, while in all with the power to defend and stand strong for the gospel and my faith everyday.

God, thank you for today and this time that I’ve spend reflecting on my spiritual faith with you. I don’t think that everything in life was meant to be questioned whether it’s right or wrong in your eyes but that it’s the core of it all. Lord I can confidently say that I have you in the center of my heart, that I belong to you, and that all glory goes to you. I just pray that you’d protect that core, that I’d protect it as well and that I’d be able to see you everyday a little more. I do miss you a lot actually. Today’s the first day I didn’t go to church because of this weather but I really do miss talking to you. Can you make me unafraid to make promises and that disappointments wouldn’t pull me away from you but make a heart that prays at least once a day to not get sucked up on this world. I love you God always. In Jesus name, Amen.