(DAY 1.40 Days of Fasting from Lies).
Proverbs 3:27
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.
Father God, I got hurt because I loved and loved, gave people second chances, had faith in the good in them and stopped because I felt like they still treated me like crap. I guess it came around to my selfishness of wanting, entitled to getting love in return from them. “I gave you this but you didn’t give me that” idea and God you don’t work that way. Your love invites the worst people LOL including myself but seeing people at church sometimes messes me up and makes me wonder about their faith, how they could behave such a way if they’re “striving after you”. I’m a hypocrite to that entire sentence. Lord help me to freely love them not because I want love or recognition in return for the things I do and the way I act but truly because YOU love me freely beyond my “ugly”, “dirty”, and unfaithfulness. That is some POWER to love like you do… please lend me some haha. Really though, remind me of how you love and free me from seeking self glory through the way I act and speak. Let it not be about how nice I was but how you gave me the power to do good and love on everyone. I pray over the power to say hello to _____ and _____.
Lie: “If they don’t love you back, why bother loving them?”
Truth: Love (God) has the power to see beyond “ugly” and the power to do so lives within you. God and Love lives within you.
Lie: “Eventually they’ll see that you’re a very loving person and like you.”
Truth:^sometimes maybe but Love because Jesus loved, when you were undeserving. It’s not about you. It’s about Jesus when he died and sharing that to others. Even when they don’t know. Trust in God’s timing.
Truth:^sometimes maybe but Love because Jesus loved, when you were undeserving. It’s not about you. It’s about Jesus when he died and sharing that to others. Even when they don’t know. Trust in God’s timing.
*Note to self* – focus on God’s love to progress forward. Not on not being loved by people but on being so so so loved by God.
Proverbs 3:31
Do not envy a man of violence
and do not choose any of his ways,
Do you ever get those feelings where you think, wish I wasn’t christian so I can get angry and act on my feelings instead of trying to cover it with God’s love. WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON?!
Violence comes in many ways; words, action, and I think you can also be violent by thinking of violent thoughts even if you don’t say a word or do anything physically… #violentthoughts. Violent Thoughts are the worst because it manifests and it stirs inside you like a bomb with no where to do and no way to blow off steam and please tell me you get what I mean. Unless you’re super mellow. Good for you.
I used to get off on anger. *sigh.. rolls eyes* Fine. I still do. (#CHASINGAFTERHONESTY!) Watching videos of street/school fights and Bad Girls Club where they yell rambunctiously at one other saying they’re “TOP S**T” and the other girl is a “F***** W****” I mean. DANG. Cursing is violent speech amirite? My hearts already pumping with adrenaline just typing all those stars!
And going back to what I said about “guilty” about being Christian, happens whenever I feel like I can’t let myself “loose” or “angry” or “slip violent words” because it’s un-Godly. But like Heaven-cake (in replacement of Hell) I know that violence manifests like a wicked wild fire and even when I justify to scream to release some pressure, I just end up shaken vocal chords and more desire to take action for my feelings.
Father God, one thing I desire and find pride in is “saying what I want, when I want.” and just want to ask because it came up, can give up saying what I want, and when I want without feeling like I’m compromising my right as a person with feelings and a right to scream? “Screaming, cussing, saying whatever you want is easy.” Pastor Ulysses once said. “It’s holding your tongue that’s harder, even when you know you’re right.” My heart, doesn’t want to change, I want to stay me but… remind me that I’m not my own. For me to be ready when you call me to serve, I would want to be free from my old self holding back me from being your child. So God, I pray with a heavy heart (which you know), help me to let go of my old self, my pride in old Doris who used to say what she wants when she wants. Letting go of the fake idea of power when I curse or throw a fit. Sounds cheesy but let your power of love overthrow the power of violence and ease my heart knowing you are a Just God. I will probably need more prayer on this. Bring me back. In Jesus name, Amen.
Lie: “People who don’t care, don’t give a Foot, and “do what they want when they want” are cool.”
Truth: No. It’s actually not. It’s an easy task, ‘to talk’ and a stupid easy task to talk down on others.
James 1:19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;
*note to self – read James 1:19 tomorrow. You need to heal and find truths on *Anger*
😦 – I don’t like Anger Doris but it’s a side of me that I cannot deny, it’s real and ugly.
*note to self- (honesty is flowing out) Fearing that I over did today’s posts and fearing that I might not do because of time consumption.
G – “it’s okay to be on fire for the first day, as long as candle is still lit end of 40 days”
*side note self – do not be too honest with friends, slow to speak remember? 🙂
be too honest with God.
think.grapefruit 