I’ll go straight into it; the first week was amazing. God had shown so SO much GRACE… with such little things like someone giving me their cough drops from Canada or someone else holding an umbrella under my head while searching for my car keys after the drop off at the bus stop. Work itself was incredibly marvelous with one being so close and intimate like an apprenticeship for a small luxury business and the other walking around all day searching for fabrics (keeping me on my feet and not looking at numbers all day). He’s been… so good. And for once my parents (and friends) so proud to see me out and bout into the industry, using my degree, going to NYC 5 days a week, even I felt “settled” and “safe” or “getting my adult life going”.

But I can’t lie, there were moments sitting there thinking why am I not out there creating? Getting a steady income is great and all but I was once told “money will come, there are a million being made right now in a warehouse somewhere”. I say this with all financial reality in mind such as providing for a family, taxes, rent, etc. When I say I want to be an artist, I wish people didn’t have a stereotypical view on that career; lazy, hippy-like, avoiding responsibilities… and I think I’m afraid to tell people what I really want to be.

I never imagined myself working under someone after college, even in high school. I think some people are just born and raised to think about getting a degree to get a job to provide for yourself and family to inspire your children about the same cycle WHICH is not a bad thing. But when I looked at my life 10 years from middle school AND high school AND college, I saw myself creating. (I can just hear all the 50 year old parents shaking their heads reading this saying “pfftt. millennials”).

I don’t say this with a light heart, I want to become an artist. It’s not that I don’t want to do nothing or work hard, live the easy life… I just want to create. Maybe it’s the child in me that doesn’t want to escape but there has to be more to life than just one career and one direction to success.

God. I haven’t prayed to you in a while or sung to you or thought about you (more like ignore you) but I’ve discovered adult-ish things like building a reputation and self presentation and you’ve probably done your best to not let it consume me. But God, you know my heart more than I know it, all I want is to strive for happiness with all the dirt that comes with living life. So I pray would you surround me with people who can build up this hope/this dream that others might call childish and would you help me strive after you? Are my dreams part of your will? or are they something that I’ve just conjured up myself for my satisfaction? Does your will involve me in something I detest? I feel like I’m talking to the sorting hat in Harry Potter when Harry tries to convince the hat to put him in Gyriffindor. God I guess in the same why I’m asking to really be placed in somewhere I can creatively thrive. Please.
Thank You for today and Happy Belated Birthday Jesus. Thanks for indescribably everything. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.