So after Lent ended, I basically stopped QT-ing and spending my morning with the Lord. It used to be a must-do but what happened? To be honest I’m not sure. Life has been very busy I must say but I guess not too busy for God but, maybe the better word is distracting. I actually haven’t posted in so long either and recently today a sister came up to me about how she read my blog… idk how and where it came up but I guess it did. But to be honest, I’m writing right now because a part of me feels empty. A part of me wonders if my friends value our friendship as much as I do. Maybe I’m too quick to jump into them?

The first thought reflecting is, have I done it again? Have I placed my friends so close to my heart that I replaced God time with friend time? As in, have I stopped going to God for comfort, joy, and peace and only relied on receiving those things from my friends? I keep telling myself that God is with me through my friends, through the blessing moments we share together but the mistake is that I stopped going directly to him for that comfort.

The things I tell myself when I feel ignored is that I’m too clingy and my friends just want a break from me. That I am too much. But the awesome part is that God tells me that I’m not too much for him. That he wishes I was clingy for him, that I’d put as much heart and effort into my relationship with him as I am with my friends.

So I guess the best thing to do here when the world seems to not be going so smoothly is … repent for digging my own grave basically and to seek for his presence.

God. Hi It’s been too long. I’m sorry. What happened to the day-by-day meets? I think it got slowly replaced by me leaning on the people you’ve put in my life… I’m sorry. Life is pretty limbo, not depressing limbo but also not a good limbo so God, I pray that you can help me re-prioritize my life. That in these decisions, I wouldn’t “settle” for what’s easiest but really climb a mountain knowing that the end results will have bigger views. I’ve lost sight of your truth once again but I’m glad I’m not discouraged and willing to fight for the best. So because I know my spirit is willing but flesh is weak, I will ask again, like I did before and probably like I will in the future… help me to desire you, desire your truth, to be filled by it and not things that surround me. Lord, You are the ultimate source, let me not replace you by the things you give to me but go straight to your light. I’m amazed I’m not as nervous and that I have more peace and strength that you will conquer this confliction and glory be to you for that. Protect me, protect my family, and please send more hugs my way. In Jesus name, Amen.