hmm. Well I haven’t been doing QT’s regularly but I have been thinking about God here and there and sometimes I see him working in little ways.

I guess it’s weird for me because I am usually hardcore all in or all out with my faith but right now it’s interesting because I think I found a middle. I realized though, that I haven’t been praying as often but when I do I’m usually feel pretty close with God and I think that’s why I’m feeling spiritually okay. I think I didn’t understand the balance of having a heart for God yet living in this world without looking at every move I make “bad” in the eyes of God because it goes along the lines of “pursuing this world”. But I realized that’s not a mindset to have, to condemn things in life but to see them as gifts. It’s a weird transition but I’m oddly content with this newfound middle where I don’t have to always be on fire for God. It’s a different fire, like how little things of thinking of God’s love makes me smile, or how I naturally think that all good things are from God. All in all I think I’m just enjoying that he’s part of my day to days and the only thing I question is, “is it wrong to not feel on fire and not to have ambition to hype myself on God’s fire?”.

I’m sure with the college ministry’s semester starting up again I’ll start to be more heavily involved with prayer and testing faith but I’m happy to say that I didn’t go down a rabbit hole for the first time without the constant support of my church meeting up 4x a week. I’m happy to know that during this “winter break” season I was able to finish daily tasks, meet up with friends, enjoy time with my siblings, work, while in all with the power to defend and stand strong for the gospel and my faith everyday.

God, thank you for today and this time that I’ve spend reflecting on my spiritual faith with you. I don’t think that everything in life was meant to be questioned whether it’s right or wrong in your eyes but that it’s the core of it all. Lord I can confidently say that I have you in the center of my heart, that I belong to you, and that all glory goes to you. I just pray that you’d protect that core, that I’d protect it as well and that I’d be able to see you everyday a little more. I do miss you a lot actually. Today’s the first day I didn’t go to church because of this weather but I really do miss talking to you. Can you make me unafraid to make promises and that disappointments wouldn’t pull me away from you but make a heart that prays at least once a day to not get sucked up on this world. I love you God always. In Jesus name, Amen.