Recently my parents have been burdening my heart. My mom gave up Christianity when my brother was going through a hard time in school. “There is No God who would put me and my family through this kind of stress,” she said. My dad tried Christianity but kept to his ways of his southern korean tradition of “being a men”. “I will never shed tears because I am a man and your dad.” And being an overly emotional person, I cry at sad endings, frustrations, joys and it’s just a messy conversation when the three of us start talking about life and future and ‘what is right’.

34 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. 37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.38 And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
 

It kinda threw me into shock after reading Matthew 10:34-39. It also made me think of Matthew 8: 21-22 Another of the disciples said to him, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead.” My first thought is God What? Didn’t you place me in this family for me? To think that God may ask me to turn away from my family to do his work is unsettling for me. Yes we get into argument and it’s not a perfect family but I love my family. If my whole family were to perish right now, I’m sure I would grow bitter at God.
Now thinking about how I would react and realize how much I hold on to my family so dearly must mean I’m still attached to this world. My brother once asked me, If you were to die right now, what would be the last thing you’d want to do? I thought about it and responded Say my goodbyes. It’s weird to think that God may not give me that opportunity or even have me turn against my family but if I think of the future for my kids, I would want them to rely on God’s unending love because I’m bound to fail somewhere. By revealing this passage I think God’s speaking to me that it’s okay that your parent and you are arguing. My name does that sometimes… *chuckles.

Father God, help me to grow into a wise, loving daughter of my parents but also to grow into a women of Christ that is willing to follow you for your greater purpose. Just like how we need to cut ties with bad influences such as friends in our lives, I think maybe it’s okay to cut the bad ties and influences our parents have on us like the words, ” You are unworthy”. Father you call me worthy, daughter, and child. Let this not be a rebel against my parents but have this become the strength that may lead them towards to understanding their place in your heart as well. Father help me to come to understand more of taking up my cross. Lord I pray for my future husband and family, children, I pray that they would love you more and rely more on your providence while respecting the family you have given them. My family is not eternal so Lord let my comfort come from my Father in Heaven and abide in you. In Jesus name, Amen.

All I need is you Lord
is you Lord
All I need is you Lord