So here’s my opinion, or the way I think when it comes to social media and God.

I see a lot of people sharing the Gospel, quoting the Bible, and really loving God through social media and its not being ashamed but I guess I’m just not like that because I can’t. Maybe it’s because until recently social media was used to Glorify me, my name. I mean Instagram, Twitter – FOLLOW ME and you don’t even care if you don’t know the person, it’s just about the numbers of how others sees your page. And even FB now has so many friends that you wanted to keep connected with but are not really close to and your is still trying to be like, “hey I’m still that cool person you met at that one hangout.” So because of this distance of we’re connected but not really, I’ve been having a hard time trying to use it to Glorify God’s name. So many times I’ve felt reluctant to post something serious because of the “judgement” I think I would face.
I recently posted on FB a confession on my state of … I guess spiritual thinking.

Confession: (So this is something that I’ve been struggling with and I’ve told a few friends but I just want to get it out there for the sake of breathing) I want to stop worrying about how everyone will see me and start relying on how God sees me. Because the only person to satisfy is Him and myself through Him. I don’t want to think before every move, “what is this person going to think of this?” And I’m thinking now, “why limit myself?”. I want to be who I am and not feel like the world’s watching and think it matters, even though they prob don’t because honestly in the end, no one’s watching, no one cares, because they’re worried about their lives. There were so many times this past year where I wanted to post struggles and pains that I was going through but in fear of judgement from people I call “friends”, I just couldn’t. I told myself, “they don’t care” “stop trying to look sad on fb” “stop trying to get sympathy” but I cut out my own worth from myself and the people around me. I tried so hard to make it seem like my life was, “okay” that everything was happy, good, fine because I didn’t want to seem like a failure. I didn’t want to give the 2%ers a chance to say “hahhahhh! she’s going through sh**t”. Because of that pride, I spreaded myself thin to be everything I knew was happy good and fine. Even writing this seems pretty lame in my head …ew Doris you’re 22, what are you doing?” But It really breaks a person when she tries to be something she’s not. I don’t want envy, I don’t need jealousy, I don’t want to live to please other people, but please the God that’s in me without hiding or faking who I am. I’m so filthy yet He somehow still seems to love me. I sometimes feel so torn between who I have to be in fashion and who I have to be in Christ. And with who I was and who I am. I stop who I’ve become or growing into because of the fear that the new me/the changing me will shoo away the people who knew me as something else. And I truly dislike the fact that I’m so easily affected by the people around me. That I’m not true to myself, that I’m not my own rock. I want to love myself for who I am, for what I believe, for all the filthiness that God has cleansed, and for the worth I have in His name.

See even now copying and pasting this on here – WordPress is weird to me. I guess I keep thinking… is this to glorify me or God? But I know God broke a barrier of worth when I clicked post and didn’t keep it to “only me”. Maybe I don’t see that God has provided me with a community to help encourage and support one another… When did I lose trusting in my friends? Or maybe because when other people do it, I see it as them using God’s name to Glorify themselves. I guess another thing is going to down for “Filthy Me” for the sinful way I think. But it’s difficult to differentiate the purpose of posting things whether it’d be me or friends.

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Through this (just now), God is telling me (the same thing I heard once before) stop trying to wander around and find the sin. Focus on me, my Glory and My love for you, and all will be well *smiley face. And it’s really unprofessional but ‘lol’ to the smiley face because he says it with such simplicity and kindness when I’m scratching head, feeling heartache for answers that I know.
Just Pray.

God, life is so filled with so many distractions. Everything is so ‘beautiful and sensual’ and I can’t help but get distracted. *lol because I really am weak. I can’t commit to things on my own and with your spirit, your presence I can. Maybe too many times I doubt the power in your name. Jesus I call to you now to set a whole new level of thirst in me for you. I want to bask in your goodness, breathe the breath you’ve provided and stop acting so foolish, setting you aside for things of this world that will soon fade. God let me pray with you, spend time with you, on and off social media. Let my worlds be one in you for God you are my core. Let my heart not be hindered from you. Let my soul rest in your name for you are God alone. I want to be able to scream JESUS IS LORD everyday with no fear of how others will see me. Lord guide me as I use social media as a tool for your glory rather than mine and continue to build me into the daughter of Christ you made out to be. Lord you are with me, you give me comfort and I am forever grateful. Thankyou for blessing me with such Joy with my siblings today and I pray that your presence would shine through this day. In Jesus name. Amen.